Kirk: Let’s take a look. Full sensor scan, Mister Spock. They can’t expect us not to look them over now.
Decker: Now that we’re looking down their throat.
Kirk: Right. Now that we’ve got them just where they want us.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Xander: She can read our minds? Our every impulse and fantasy.
Buffy: Every one.
Xander: (in his head) Oh god.
Cordelia: (in her head) I don’t see what this has to do with me. (out loud) I don’t see what this has to do with me.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”
Rory: Can brains hurt?
Lorelai: Yes, it’s hypochondria hour.
Rory: No, I’m serious. Last night when I was reading my biology chapters I distinctly heard a ping in the vicinity of my brain.
Lorelai: Your brain pinged?
Rory: Yeah. It just went like “dink.”
Lorelai: Well then, honey, your brain dinked. It didn’t ping.
Rory: Well I don’t think a dinking brain is any less worrisome than a pinging brain.
Lorelai: Well, you got me there.
Rory: So should I go to a tumor doctor?
Lorelai: No, you don’t have a tumor. You’re reading too much. You’re probably just losing your eyesight.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: You’re welcome.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 14 — “That Damn Donna Reed”
Zoe: Clearly she’s out of her mind.
Wash: Well, she’s let a sheltered life.
Zoe: Did you see the way she grabbed that glass from you?
Wash: Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to god. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled.
Zoe: Of course. The man rushes in to defend her.
Wash: I’m talking about geese.
Zoe: Captain shouldn’t be babysitting a damned groupie, and he knows it.
Wash: Okay, when did this become not funny?
Zoe: When you didn’t turn around and put her ass back down on Triumph where it belongs.
Wash: Oh, hey! Now it’s even my fault? Is there anything else on your mind that I should know about? There are all kinds of twists and cul de sacs. It’s wild!
Firefly — Episode 6 — “Our Mrs. Reynolds”
Spock: Science officer Spock, reporting as ordered, Captain.
Kirk: Please sit down.
McCoy: Spock, you haven’t changed a bit. You’re just as warm and sociable as ever.
Spock: Nor have you, Doctor, as your continued predilection for irrelevancy demonstrates.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Xander: Got the address. I beat it out of Willy the snitch personally.
Buffy: You beat up Willy?
Xander: Sure! Well, actually, let’s just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely, and then, uh, okay, I bribed him.
Buffy: How much?
Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. Does the Council reimburse for that kind of stuff?
Giles: Did you get a receipt?
Xander: Damn.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 17 — “Enemies”
(Lorelai, Rory, and Dean are watching “The Donna Reed Show” with Rory and Lorelai making up their own dialogue.)
Lorelai: “You know, Daughter, there’s nothing more satisfying thatn washing windows — oh no!”
Rory: “What? Did I miss a spot?”
Lorelai: “No, I just had an impure thought about your father, Alex. Funny — I don’t know why I had it. It isn’t the second Saturday of the month.”
Rory: (as the father, Alex) “Hey, I heard you had an impure thought.”
Lorelai: “I must now sublimate all my impure thoughts by going into the kitchen and making an endless string of perfect casseroles.”
Dean: You’re not even listening to the dialogue.
Rory: Ours is better.
Dean: I don’t know — it all seems kind of nice to me.
Rory: What does?
Dean: Well, you know, families hanging together. I mean, a wife cooking dinner for her husband. And look — she seems really happy.
Lorelai: She’s medicated.
Rory: And acting from a script.
Lorelai: Written by a man.
Rory: Well said, Sister Suffragette.
Dean: What if she likes making doughnuts and dinner for her family and keeping things nice for them and —
(Rory and Lorelai stare at him.)
Dean: OK, I feel very unpopular right now.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 14 — “That Damn Donna Reed”
Jayne: There’s times I think you don’t take me seriously. I think that ought to change.
Mal: Do you think it’s likely to?
Jayne: You got something you don’t deserve.
Mal: And it’s brought me a galaxy of fun, I’m here to tell ya.
Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time. The best of ’em carried this. It’s a Callahan full-bore autolock. Customized trigger, double-cartridge thorough gauge… It is my very favorite gun. (holds it out to Mal)
Mal: …Dàxiàng bàozhà shì de lādùzi (“The explosive diarrhea of an elephant”), you offering me a trade?!
Jayne: A trade?! Hell, it’s theft. It’s the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It’s miles more worthy than what you got.
Mal: What I got? She has a name.
Jayne: So does this. I call it Vera.
Mal: Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
Firefly – Episode 6 – “Our Mrs. Reynolds”
Kirk: What was the problem down there?
Ellen: He insisted we go first, sir. Said something about first seeing how it scrambled our molecules.
Kirk: That has a familiar ring, doesn’t it? Starfleet, this is Captain Kirk. Beam that officer up now! (McCoy materializes on the transporter pad.) Well, for a man who swore he’d never return to Starfleet.
McCoy: Just a moment, Captain, sir. I’ll explain what happened. Your revered Admiral Nogura invoked a little known, and seldom used, reserve activation clause… in simpler language, Captain, they drafted me!
Kirk: They didn’t.
McCoy: This was your idea! This was your idea, wasn’t it?
Kirk: Bones, there’s a thing out there…
McCoy: Why is any object we don’t understand always called a ‘thing’?
Kirk: …headed this way. I need you… Dammit Bones, I need you! Badly!
McCoy: Permission to come aboard?
Rand: Permission granted, sir.
McCoy: Well, Jim, I hear Chapel’s an MD now. Well, I’m gonna need a top nurse, not a doctor who’ll argue every little diagnosis with me. And they’ve probably redesigned the whole sickbay, too. I know engineers. They love to change things.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Xander: What’s this Ascenscion mean?
Giles: I’m not sure.
Wesley: No, not really a common term in demonology.
Willow: Ooh ooh! The Marenschadt Text. I think in the section on genocide, they mention Ascenscion.
Buffy: Well, we have a winner.
Xander: And, more importantly, two losers.
Giles: Where did you find that volume?
Willow: In the top of your book cabinet with the stuff you try to keep hidden.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 17 — “Enemies”
The Love Pirate 