Tag Archives: BtVS

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(the Gang is watching a security tape)

Cordelia: Look! Right there, zoom in on that. 

Xander: It’s a videotape. 

Cordelia: So? They do it on television all the time. 

Xander: Not with a regular VCR they don’t. 

Wesley: Perhaps we could stay on the topic for once. What were you doing this afternoon? 

Cordelia: What? Um, I was… 

Xander: Burning a hole in daddy’s wallet, as usual. I just bumped into her during my tuxedo hunt. 

Oz: What’s that? Pause it. 

Xander: Guys! It’s just a normal VCR. It doesn’t… Oh wait, uh, it can do pause.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 20 — “The Prom”

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Anya: The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful. 

Xander: Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you. 

Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them. 

Xander: Then why you talking to me? 

Anya: I don’t have a date for the prom. 

Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch? 

Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me? 

Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don’t know which. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 20 — “The Prom”

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Giles: How are you? 

Buffy: Loving the quiet. Nobody in here but me. 

Giles: Jonathan? How’s he? 

Buffy: Pretty crappy. His parents are freaking. He got suspended. And toting a piece to school, not exactly winning him a place with the in-crowd. But, I think he’s dealing.

Giles: Well, it’s good of you to check on him. 

Buffy: Well, it’s nice to be able to help someone in a non-slaying capacity. Except, he’s starting to get that look, you know, like he’s gonna ask me to Prom. 

Giles: Well, it would probably be good for his self-esteem, if you… 

Buffy: Oh come on! What am I, Saint Buffy? He’s like three feet tall! 

Giles: I’m glad to see you’ve recovered from your psychic encounter more or less intact. Feel up to some training? 

Buffy: Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you’re not too busy having sex with my mother!

(Giles walks into a tree)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Willow: So you’re feeling better about Angel? 

Buffy: Well, we talked, and then he ripped out the heart of a demon and fed it to me, and then we talked some more.

Willow: See! That’s how it should work! 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Jonathan: Get away from me!

Buffy: Ok Jonathan, you wanna point that somewhere else?

Jonathan: Don’t you try and stop me! 

Buffy: No, no no stopping. Just here for view. Hey, look, City Hall. 

Jonathan: Go away! 

Buffy: Never gonna happen. 

Jonathan: You think I won’t use this? 

Buffy: I don’t know Jonathan, I just—

Jonathan: Stop doing that! 

Buffy: Doing what? 

Jonathan: Stop saying my name like we’re friends! We’re not friends! You all think I’m an idiot! A short idiot! 

Buffy: I don’t. I don’t think about you much at all. Nobody here really does. Bugs you, doesn’t it? You have all this pain, and all these feelings and nobody’s really paying attention. 

Jonathan: You think I just want attention? 

Buffy: No. I think you’re up in the clock tower with a high-powered rifle because you wanna blend in. Believe it or not, Jonathan, I understand about the pain.

Jonathan: Oh right. Cuz the burden of being beautiful and athletic, that’s a crippler.

Buffy: You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening… You know, I could’ve taken that by now.

Jonathan: I know. 

Buffy: (holds her hand out) I’d rather do it this way.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Joyce: I’m uh, I’m just going to get you another pillow. 

Buffy: I really don’t need one. 

Joyce: But you need another blanket. 

Buffy: Uh, mom, I’m fine.  

Joyce: How about, some soup? Chicken and stars. 

Buffy: Mom, please, just come sit with me.

Joyce: I’ve uh, I’ve got laundry. 

Buffy: Why are you…? (reading Joyce’s mind) You had sex with Giles?!

(Joyce gasps) 

Buffy: YOU HAD SEX WITH GILES?! 

Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers! 

Buffy: On the hood of a police car?!? 

Joyce: I’ll be downstairs. You feel better. (runs away) 

Buffy: TWICE!?!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Buffy: I want to share this with you. It’s like all these doors are opening to all these little worlds, and I can just walk right inside. 

Oz’s thoughts: No one else exists either. Buffy is all of us. We think. Therefore, she is.

Willow’s thoughts: She knows so much. She knows what Oz is thinking. I never know that. Before long, she’ll know him better than I do.

Buffy: No, don’t think that.

Willow: I can’t help it Buffy. I’m sorry, I just can’t. (leaves)

Oz: If you don’t need me, I’m gonna follow the redhead. (leaves)

Buffy: Guess I won’t be writing that book, ‘Gaining Friends through Telepathy.’ 

Cordelia: (in her head) Whatever. I wonder when I can go. (out loud) Whatever. Can I go?

Wesley: (sticks his head out of the office) Excuse me. Can you hear me thinking in here? I could go out into the hall. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Wesley: Xander has just illustrated something. Chances are, you’re all going to be thinking whatever you least want Buffy to hear. It’s a question, of course, of mental discipline.

Giles: He’s right. There are…

Wesley’s Thoughts: Look at Cordelia. No! Don’t look at Cordelia! She’s a student! Oh I am a bad man. I’m a bad, bad man! 

(Buffy stares knowingly at him.)

Wesley: Excuse me. (flees)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Xander: She can read our minds? Our every impulse and fantasy. 

Buffy: Every one. 

Xander: (in his head) Oh god. 

Cordelia: (in her head) I don’t see what this has to do with me. (out loud) I don’t see what this has to do with me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Xander: What’s this Ascenscion mean?

Giles: I’m not sure. 

Wesley: No, not really a common term in demonology. 

Willow: Ooh ooh! The Marenschadt Text. I think in the section on genocide, they mention Ascenscion. 

Buffy: Well, we have a winner. 

Xander: And, more importantly, two losers. 

Giles: Where did you find that volume? 

Willow: In the top of your book cabinet with the stuff you try to keep hidden.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 17 — “Enemies”