Wash: Wuh duh ma huh tah duh fong kwong duh wai shung [Holy mother of god and all her wacky nephews!] do I wish I was somebody else right now. Somebody not… married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinkie!
Saffron: I’ve been too forward.
Wash: No! Well, yes, but I actually like that in a woman. That’s part of why Zoe and I are, as recently mentioned, married.
Saffron: I thought she didn’t seem to respect you.
Wash: Not everybody gets me and Zoe at first glance.
Zoe: Did you see the way she grabbed that glass from you?
Wash: Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to god. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled.
Zoe: Of course. The man rushes in to defend her.
Wash: I’m talking about geese.
Zoe: Captain shouldn’t be babysitting a damned groupie, and he knows it.
Wash: Okay, when did this become not funny?
Zoe: When you didn’t turn around and put her ass back down on Triumph where it belongs.
Wash: Oh, hey! Now it’s even my fault? Is there anything else on your mind that I should know about? There are all kinds of twists and cul de sacs. It’s wild!
Mal: Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain’t we just. Sorry to interrupt, folks. Y’all got something that belongs to us and we’d like it back.
Patron: This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God’s will.
Mal: Y’all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I’m not saying you weren’t easy to find. It was kinda out of our way, and he didn’t want to come in the first place. Man’s lookin’ to kill some folk. So really it’s his will y’all should worry about thwarting. (to Simon) Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin’ folk is near miraculous.
Simon: Yes, I’m very proud.
Mal: Cut her down.
Patron: That girl is a witch.
Mal: Yeah, but she’s our witch. So cut her the hell down.