Quote of the Day

Xander: She can read our minds? Our every impulse and fantasy. 

Buffy: Every one. 

Xander: (in his head) Oh god. 

Cordelia: (in her head) I don’t see what this has to do with me. (out loud) I don’t see what this has to do with me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

Quote of the Day


Cordelia: Wake up! (Cordy slaps Giles)

Giles: Cordelia?

Cordelia: Took you long enough to wake up. My hand hurts.

Giles: Pity. Oh… Why are you here?

Cordelia: Things are way out of control, Giles. First the thing at school, and then my mom confiscates all of my black clothes and scented candles. I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness and found you all unconscious… again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you’re gonna wake up in a coma.

Giles: Wake up in a… Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel.

Cordelia: Now, let’s be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 3: Episode 11 – “Gingerbread”

Quote of the Day


Buffy: Yes, you are. We are gonna get out of here, and we are gonna head back to the library, where Giles and the rest of the weapons live. Then I’m gonna take out the rest of these guys just in time for you to congratulate me on my sweeping victory as Homecoming Queen.

Cordelia: I know what you’re up to. You think if you get me mad enough, I won’t be so scared. And, hey! It’s working! Where’s a damn weapon?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 3: Episode 5 – “Homecoming”

Quote of the Day


Scott: Hi, Buffy. 

Buffy: Hi. 

(Scott walks off)

Willow: I think that went very well. Don’t you think that went very well? 

Cordelia: He didn’t try to slit our throats or anything. That’s progress. 

Willow: Hey, did you do that little half-smile thing? 

Buffy: Look, I’m not trying to snare Scott Hope. I just want to get my life back, you know, do normal stuff. 

Willow: Like date? 

Buffy: Well… 

Xander: Oh, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut. (Buffy punches him) Ow.

Buffy: All right, yes, date and shop and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 3: Episode 3 – “Faith, Hope & Trick”

Quote of the Day


Xander: Ahh. Buffy and food.

Willow: Maybe we shouldn’t be too couple-y around Buffy.

Cordelia: Oh, you mean ’cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?

Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what?

Oz: All right, prepare to uncouple… Uncouple.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 3: Episode 3 – “Faith, Hope & Trick”

Quote of the Day


Oz: We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?

Cordelia: What’s the difference?

Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it’s chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 3: Episode 2 – “Dead Man’s Party”

Quote of the Day


Willow: Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?

Xander: You’re just a big bucket of funny, Will. I’ll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster.

Giles: Loch Ness Monster?

Buffy: ‘Locker’ monster is what he said. But it wasn’t really a monster. It was, like, this big arm that came out of the locker, but then we opened it again, it was gone. Nothing.

Xander: This was right after Buffy’s history teacher starts doing some freaky channeling thing in class.

Giles: Ooh! Sounds like paranormal phenomena.

Willow: A ghost? Cool!

Xander: Oh, no, no. No. No cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was ‘I’m dead as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore.’

Giles: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that’s a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.

Xander: I defined something? Accurately? Guess I’m done with the book learning.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 2: Episode 19 – “I Only Have Eyes For You”

Quote of the Day

Cordelia: Eww, what does this do?

Giles: What?

Cordelia: What does this do?

Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.

Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do?

Giles: Um, i-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim’s head with its incisors.

Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?

Giles: It asks endless questions of those with whom it’s supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.

Cordelia: Boy, there’s a demon for everything.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 2: Episode 18 – “Killed by Death”

Quote of the Day


Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go with Giles. 

Giles: Why do I have to have…? (looks at Cordelia) Uh, good thinking. I-I-I could do with a research assistant. 

Cordelia: Let’s go, tact-guy.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 2: Episode 18 – “Killed by Death”

Quote of the Day

Willow: Oh, yeah, I’m good at medical stuff since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.

Xander: No, she’s being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, uh, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.

Willow: Wrong? Why? (to Buffy) How did *you* play doctor?

Buffy: (evasively) I never have.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 2: Episode 18 – “Killed by Death”