Quote of the Day

Xander: She can read our minds? Our every impulse and fantasy. 

Buffy: Every one. 

Xander: (in his head) Oh god. 

Cordelia: (in her head) I don’t see what this has to do with me. (out loud) I don’t see what this has to do with me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

Quote of the Day

Rory: Can brains hurt?

Lorelai: Yes, it’s hypochondria hour.

Rory: No, I’m serious. Last night when I was reading my biology chapters I distinctly heard a ping in the vicinity of my brain.

Lorelai: Your brain pinged?

Rory: Yeah. It just went like “dink.”

Lorelai: Well then, honey, your brain dinked. It didn’t ping.

Rory: Well I don’t think a dinking brain is any less worrisome than a pinging brain.

Lorelai: Well, you got me there.

Rory: So should I go to a tumor doctor?

Lorelai: No, you don’t have a tumor. You’re reading too much. You’re probably just losing your eyesight.

Rory: Thank you.

Lorelai: You’re welcome.

Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 14 — “That Damn Donna Reed”

Quote of the Day

Zoe: Clearly she’s out of her mind.

Wash: Well, she’s let a sheltered life.

Zoe: Did you see the way she grabbed that glass from you?

Wash: Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to god. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled.

Zoe: Of course. The man rushes in to defend her.

Wash: I’m talking about geese.

Zoe: Captain shouldn’t be babysitting a damned groupie, and he knows it.

Wash: Okay, when did this become not funny?

Zoe: When you didn’t turn around and put her ass back down on Triumph where it belongs.

Wash: Oh, hey! Now it’s even my fault? Is there anything else on your mind that I should know about? There are all kinds of twists and cul de sacs. It’s wild!

Firefly — Episode 6 — “Our Mrs. Reynolds”

Quote of the Day

Spock: Science officer Spock, reporting as ordered, Captain.

Kirk: Please sit down.

McCoy: Spock, you haven’t changed a bit. You’re just as warm and sociable as ever.

Spock: Nor have you, Doctor, as your continued predilection for irrelevancy demonstrates.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Quote of the Day

Xander: Got the address. I beat it out of Willy the snitch personally.

Buffy: You beat up Willy? 

Xander: Sure! Well, actually, let’s just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely, and then, uh, okay, I bribed him. 

Buffy: How much? 

Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. Does the Council reimburse for that kind of stuff? 

Giles: Did you get a receipt? 

Xander: Damn.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 17 — “Enemies”

Quote of the Day

(Lorelai, Rory, and Dean are watching “The Donna Reed Show” with Rory and Lorelai making up their own dialogue.)

Lorelai: “You know, Daughter, there’s nothing more satisfying thatn washing windows — oh no!”

Rory: “What? Did I miss a spot?”

Lorelai: “No, I just had an impure thought about your father, Alex. Funny — I don’t know why I had it. It isn’t the second Saturday of the month.”

Rory: (as the father, Alex) “Hey, I heard you had an impure thought.”

Lorelai: “I must now sublimate all my impure thoughts by going into the kitchen and making an endless string of perfect casseroles.”

Dean: You’re not even listening to the dialogue.

Rory: Ours is better.

Dean: I don’t know — it all seems kind of nice to me.

Rory: What does?

Dean: Well, you know, families hanging together. I mean, a wife cooking dinner for her husband. And look — she seems really happy.

Lorelai: She’s medicated.

Rory: And acting from a script.

Lorelai: Written by a man.

Rory: Well said, Sister Suffragette.

Dean: What if she likes making doughnuts and dinner for her family and keeping things nice for them and —

(Rory and Lorelai stare at him.)

Dean: OK, I feel very unpopular right now.

Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 14 — “That Damn Donna Reed”

Quote of the Day

Jayne: There’s times I think you don’t take me seriously. I think that ought to change.

Mal: Do you think it’s likely to?

Jayne: You got something you don’t deserve.

Mal: And it’s brought me a galaxy of fun, I’m here to tell ya.

Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time. The best of ’em carried this. It’s a Callahan full-bore autolock. Customized trigger, double-cartridge thorough gauge… It is my very favorite gun. (holds it out to Mal)

Mal: …Dàxiàng bàozhà shì de lādùzi (“The explosive diarrhea of an elephant”), you offering me a trade?!

Jayne: A trade?! Hell, it’s theft. It’s the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It’s miles more worthy than what you got.

Mal: What I got? She has a name.

Jayne: So does this. I call it Vera.

Mal: Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

Firefly – Episode 6 – “Our Mrs. Reynolds”

Quote of the Day

Kirk: What was the problem down there?

Ellen: He insisted we go first, sir. Said something about first seeing how it scrambled our molecules.

Kirk: That has a familiar ring, doesn’t it? Starfleet, this is Captain Kirk. Beam that officer up now! (McCoy materializes on the transporter pad.) Well, for a man who swore he’d never return to Starfleet.

McCoy: Just a moment, Captain, sir. I’ll explain what happened. Your revered Admiral Nogura invoked a little known, and seldom used, reserve activation clause… in simpler language, Captain, they drafted me!

Kirk: They didn’t. 

McCoy: This was your idea! This was your idea, wasn’t it?

Kirk: Bones, there’s a thing out there…

McCoy: Why is any object we don’t understand always called a ‘thing’?

Kirk: …headed this way. I need you… Dammit Bones, I need you! Badly!

McCoy: Permission to come aboard?

Rand: Permission granted, sir.

McCoy: Well, Jim, I hear Chapel’s an MD now. Well, I’m gonna need a top nurse, not a doctor who’ll argue every little diagnosis with me. And they’ve probably redesigned the whole sickbay, too. I know engineers. They love to change things.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture