Tag Archives: Xander

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(the Gang is watching a security tape)

Cordelia: Look! Right there, zoom in on that. 

Xander: It’s a videotape. 

Cordelia: So? They do it on television all the time. 

Xander: Not with a regular VCR they don’t. 

Wesley: Perhaps we could stay on the topic for once. What were you doing this afternoon? 

Cordelia: What? Um, I was… 

Xander: Burning a hole in daddy’s wallet, as usual. I just bumped into her during my tuxedo hunt. 

Oz: What’s that? Pause it. 

Xander: Guys! It’s just a normal VCR. It doesn’t… Oh wait, uh, it can do pause.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 20 — “The Prom”

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Anya: The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful. 

Xander: Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you. 

Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them. 

Xander: Then why you talking to me? 

Anya: I don’t have a date for the prom. 

Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch? 

Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me? 

Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don’t know which. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 20 — “The Prom”

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Oz: (in his head) I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me and she becomes me. I cease to exist. (out loud) Hmm… 

Xander: (in his head) What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4 times 5 is 30. 5 times 6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked Women! Naked Buffy! Oh stop me! 

Buffy: God Xander! Is that all you think about? 

Xander: Actually… bye. (runs away)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Xander: She can read our minds? Our every impulse and fantasy. 

Buffy: Every one. 

Xander: (in his head) Oh god. 

Cordelia: (in her head) I don’t see what this has to do with me. (out loud) I don’t see what this has to do with me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 18 — “Earshot”

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Xander: Got the address. I beat it out of Willy the snitch personally.

Buffy: You beat up Willy? 

Xander: Sure! Well, actually, let’s just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely, and then, uh, okay, I bribed him. 

Buffy: How much? 

Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. Does the Council reimburse for that kind of stuff? 

Giles: Did you get a receipt? 

Xander: Damn.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 17 — “Enemies”

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Xander: What’s this Ascenscion mean?

Giles: I’m not sure. 

Wesley: No, not really a common term in demonology. 

Willow: Ooh ooh! The Marenschadt Text. I think in the section on genocide, they mention Ascenscion. 

Buffy: Well, we have a winner. 

Xander: And, more importantly, two losers. 

Giles: Where did you find that volume? 

Willow: In the top of your book cabinet with the stuff you try to keep hidden.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 17 — “Enemies”

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Willow: It’s really nice that you guys missed me… Say, you all didn’t happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya? 

Xander: Will, we saw you at the Bronze. A vampire. 

Willow: I’m not a vampire. 

Buffy: You are. I-I mean, you, you were… Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon? 

Giles: Well, uh… something… something, um, very strange is happening. 

Xander: Can you believe the Watcher’s Council let this guy go?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”

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(The gang thinks Willow is a vampire)

Xander: This isn’t real.

Buffy: I can’t feel anything. Arms, legs, anything. 

Giles: She was truly the finest of all of us. 

Xander: Way better than me. 

Giles: (nodding) Much, much better.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”

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Buffy: I think it’s good to be reliable. 

Willow: Well, maybe I don’t wanna be reliable all the time. Maybe I’m not just some doormat person. Homework Gal. 

Xander: I’m thinking nerve strike. 

Willow: Maybe I’ll change my look! Or cut class. You don’t know. And I’m eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!

(Willow storms off, Buffy follows)

Buffy: Will, wait. I’m really sorry… 

Willow: Buff, I’m storming off. It doesn’t really work if you come with me. 

Buffy: Oh.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”

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Xander: Willow, did you remember to tape Biography last Friday? 

Willow: Uh-huh.

Buffy: See, I told you. Old Reliable.

Willow: Oh, thanks. 

Buffy: What? 

Willow: ‘Old Reliable’? Yeah, great. There’s a sexy nickname. 

Buffy: Well, I-I didn’t mean it as… 

Willow: No, it’s fine. I’m ‘Old Reliable’. 

Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You’re like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals. 

Willow: That’s Old Faithful. 

Xander: Isn’t that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot…

Willow: That’s Old Yeller.

Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”