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Bandit: Pardon me for intruding, but I believe y’all carrying something of mine.

Jayne: T’ain’t your’n!

Bandit: Did you think we wouldn’t find out you changed your route? You gonna give us what due us, and every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you’re gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.

Jayne: Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.

Mal: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?

Jayne: If I could make you purtier, I would.

Mal: You are not the man I met a year ago.

(Mal and Jayne draw their guns)

Mal: Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn’t mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty flowered bonnet, I will end you.

Firefly — Episode 6 — “Our Mrs. Reynolds”

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Mal: Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?

Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir.

Mal: Ain’t we just. Sorry to interrupt, folks. Y’all got something that belongs to us and we’d like it back.

Patron: This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God’s will.

Mal: Y’all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I’m not saying you weren’t easy to find. It was kinda out of our way, and he didn’t want to come in the first place. Man’s lookin’ to kill some folk. So really it’s his will y’all should worry about thwarting. (to Simon) Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin’ folk is near miraculous.

Simon: Yes, I’m very proud.

Mal: Cut her down.

Patron: That girl is a witch.

Mal: Yeah, but she’s our witch. So cut her the hell down.

Firefly — Episode 5 — “Safe”

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Zoe: You sanguine about the kind of reception we’re up to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap?

Mal: Absolutely…. What’s sanguine mean?

Zoe: Sanguine. Hopeful. Plus, point of interest, it also means bloody.

Mal: Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don’t it?

Firefly — Episode 5 — “Safe”

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(Jayne is going through Simon’s things, and stops to “read” from his diary.)

Jayne: “Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy.” (flips page) “Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.”

Firefly — Episode 5 — “Safe”

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Jayne: Yah! Get along!

Mal: You know, they walk just as easy if you lead ’em.

Jayne: I like smackin’ ’em.

Book: Hope this corral’s strong enough to hold them. “Shepherd’s” a purely figurative title, you know.

Zoe: Next time we smuggle stock, let’s make it something smaller.

Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.

Firefly — Episode 5 — “Safe”

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Badger: Who’s that then? Here, look at me. What’s your story, love?

Simon: She’s … just a… just a passenger.

Badger: Yeah? Why ain’t she talking? She got a secret?

River: (with Badger’s accent) Sure, I got a secret. More than one. Don’t seem likely I’d tell ’em to you now, do it? Anyone off Dyton Colony knows better than to talk to strangers. You’re talking loud enough for the both of us though, ain’tcha? I’ve known a dozen like you. Skipped off home early, running graft jobs here and there. Spent some time in the lock down, but less than you claim. And you’re what? Petty thief with delusions of standing? Sad, little king of a sad, little hill.

Badger: Nice to see someone from the old homestead.

River: Not really. (to Simon) Call me if anyone interesting shows up. (leaves)

Badger: I like her.

Jayne: That there — exactly the kind of diversion we could have used.

Firefly — Episode 4 — “Shindig”

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Jayne: What we need’s a diversion. I say Zoe gets nekkid.

Wash: Nope.

Jayne: I could get nekkid.

All: No!

Firefly — Episode 4 — “Shindig”

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Badger: He won’t deal with me direct. He’s taken an irrational dislike.

Jayne: What happened? He see your face?

Badger: He’s a quality gent. Nose in the air like he never wun gwo pee [“smelled a fart”]. Don’t find me respectable. But you, now I figure you got a chance.

Mal: You backed out of a deal last time. Left us hanging.

Jayne: Hurt our feelings.

Mal: You recall why that took place?

Badger: Had a problem with your attitude is why. Felt you was… what’s the word?

Jayne: Pretentious?

(Mal gives Jayne a confused/surprised look)

Badger: Exactly! You think you’re better than other people.

Mal: Just the ones I’m better than.

Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”

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Kaylee: The only place I seen somethin’ so nice is some of the things Inara has.

Mal: Well, we best be movin’.

Zoe: I guess she needs all that stuff, the life she leads.

Kaylee: Well, sure. Sometimes the customers buy her things. Some real rich men.

Mal: Come on! These ain’t feathers I’m toting here, ya know?

Kaylee: I like the ruffles. Inara gets to wear whatever she wants.

Mal: What are you going to do in that rig? Flounce around the engine room? Be like a sheep walking on its hind legs.

(Kaylee walks off, hurt. Zoe gives Mal a death stare and takes his bag from him.)

Zoe: See you on the ship, Captain.

(Zoe, Wash and Kaylee board the mule and leave.)

Jayne: Is she mad or something?

Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”

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Kaylee: Oh, look at the pretties!

Wash: What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?

Jayne: There’s girls?

Zoe: The clothes, please.

Kaylee: Say, look at the fluffy one.

Zoe: Too much foofaraw. If I’m going to wear a dress, I’d want something with some slink.

Wash: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?

Jayne: I’ll chip in.

Zoe: I can hurt you.

Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”