Kaylee: Captain, don’t you think Simon should come with us?
Simon: What? Oh, Kaylee, I don’t—I don’t think that…
Book: You go on, boy. See the sights. I can watch over your sister. I believe we’ve been developing a rapport.
(River acts all sweet, innocent, and well-behaved…)
Simon: I—I don’t know, River can be…
Book: Go on. I’m a Shepherd, after all. I should be able to keep my eye on a flock of one.
Mal: I’m not going that far, Doctor, and you might maybe make yourself useful.
Jayne: Come again?
Mal: The management here don’t take kindly to sight-seers, which is why we’re posing as buyers. There ain’t a one of us looks the part more than the good Doctor. I mean, the pretty fits… soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over…
Simon: All right. Fine. I’ll go. Just stop describing me.
Mal: Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain’t we just. Sorry to interrupt, folks. Y’all got something that belongs to us and we’d like it back.
Patron: This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God’s will.
Mal: Y’all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I’m not saying you weren’t easy to find. It was kinda out of our way, and he didn’t want to come in the first place. Man’s lookin’ to kill some folk. So really it’s his will y’all should worry about thwarting. (to Simon) Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin’ folk is near miraculous.
Simon: Yes, I’m very proud.
Mal: Cut her down.
Patron: That girl is a witch.
Mal: Yeah, but she’s our witch. So cut her the hell down.
Mal: So, she’s added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.
Simon: It’s just a bad day.
Mal: No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It’s kind of like a… a meat grinder. And it’ll lose us half the herd.
Simon: She hasn’t gone anywhere near the cattle.
Mal: No, but in case you hadn’t noticed, her voice kinda carries. We’re two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed. Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn’t.
River: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
Mal: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.
Badger: Who’s that then? Here, look at me. What’s your story, love?
Simon: She’s … just a… just a passenger.
Badger: Yeah? Why ain’t she talking? She got a secret?
River: (with Badger’s accent) Sure, I got a secret. More than one. Don’t seem likely I’d tell ’em to you now, do it? Anyone off Dyton Colony knows better than to talk to strangers. You’re talking loud enough for the both of us though, ain’tcha? I’ve known a dozen like you. Skipped off home early, running graft jobs here and there. Spent some time in the lock down, but less than you claim. And you’re what? Petty thief with delusions of standing? Sad, little king of a sad, little hill.
Badger: Nice to see someone from the old homestead.
River: Not really. (to Simon) Call me if anyone interesting shows up. (leaves)
Badger: I like her.
Jayne: That there — exactly the kind of diversion we could have used.