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Kaylee: Captain, don’t you think Simon should come with us?

Simon: What? Oh, Kaylee, I don’t—I don’t think that…

Book: You go on, boy. See the sights. I can watch over your sister. I believe we’ve been developing a rapport.

(River acts all sweet, innocent, and well-behaved…)

Simon: I—I don’t know, River can be…

Book: Go on. I’m a Shepherd, after all. I should be able to keep my eye on a flock of one.

Mal: I’m not going that far, Doctor, and you might maybe make yourself useful.

Jayne: Come again?

Mal: The management here don’t take kindly to sight-seers, which is why we’re posing as buyers. There ain’t a one of us looks the part more than the good Doctor. I mean, the pretty fits… soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over…

Simon: All right. Fine. I’ll go. Just stop describing me.

Firefly — Episode 7 — Jaynestown

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Mal: She’s a nice girl.

Book: Seems very anxious to please you.

Mal: Well, that’s their way, I guess.

Book: I suppose so… If you take sexual advantage of her, you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

Mal: What — I am not… preacher, you got a smutty mind!

Book: Perhaps I spoke out of turn.

Mal: You may perhaps I’m thinking!

Book: I apologize. I’ll make her up a room in the passenger dorm.

Mal: Good.

(Book leaves, then pops his head back in a moment later.)

Book: The special hell.

Firefly — Episode 6 — “Our Mrs. Reynolds”

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Mal: I’m sorry. You have very nice qualities, but I didn’t ever marry you.

Book: I believe you did. Last night.

Mal: (goes over to Jayne) How drunk was I last night?

Jayne: Well I dunno. I passed out.

Firefly — Episode 6 — “Our Mrs. Reynolds”

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Mal: Hey. Stay with me, Shepherd.

Book: That’s… that’s quite a lot of blood, isn’t it?

Mal: Just means you ain’t dead.

Book: Afraid I might be needing a preacher.

Mal: That’s good. You lie there and be ironical.

Firefly — Episode 5 — “Safe”

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Jayne: Yah! Get along!

Mal: You know, they walk just as easy if you lead ’em.

Jayne: I like smackin’ ’em.

Book: Hope this corral’s strong enough to hold them. “Shepherd’s” a purely figurative title, you know.

Zoe: Next time we smuggle stock, let’s make it something smaller.

Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.

Firefly — Episode 5 — “Safe”

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Jayne: We was just about to spring into action, Captain. Complicated escape and rescue op.

Wash: I was going to watch. It was very exciting.

Firefly — Episode 4 — “Shindig”

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Book: A duel?

Wash: With swords?

Simon: Captain’s a good fighter, he must know how to handle a sword.

Zoe: I think he knows which end to hold.

Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”

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Book: Shouldn’t we report this?

Mal: To who? Alliance? Right. They’re going to run out here lickety-split and make sure these taxpayers are okay.

Book: Then we’ll have to.

Jayne: If there’s folks on board in need of help, why ain’t they beaming no distress call?

Zoe: It’s true, there’s no beacon.

Mal: Which means it’s likely no one’s looking to find her.

Book: All the more reason for us to do the right thing.

Jayne: How about you just say a prayer when we slide on by.

Book: Shall I remind you of the story of the Good Samaritan?

Mal: I’d rather you didn’t. But we’ll check it out. See if there are survivors. If not, then, well no one’s going to mind if we take a look around, see if there’s not something of value they might have left behind.

Jayne: (Suddenly “concerned”) Yeah, no, uh, someone could be hurt.

Firefly – Episode 3 – “Bushwhacked”

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Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who’s in ruttin’ command here. Now we’re finishing this deal, and then maybe… maybe we’ll come back for those morons who got themselves caught. You can’t change that by getting all… bendy.

Wash: All what?

Jayne: You’ve got the light.. from the console.. keep you… lift you up. They shine like… little angels… (collapses)

Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?

Simon: I told him to sit down.

Kaylee: You doped him.

Simon: It was supposed to kick in a good deal sooner. I, I just didn’t feel comfortable with him in charge. I hope.. hope that’s all right.

Firefly – Episode 2 – “The Train Job”

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Mal: Well what about you, Shepherd? How come you’re flying about with us brigands? I mean, shouldn’t you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?

Book: Oh, I’ve got heathens aplenty right here.

Firefly – Episode 2 – “The Train Job”