Inara: Does it seem every supply store on every border planet has the same five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of… what is this? A duck?
Kaylee: That’s a swan… I like it.
Inara: You do?
Kaylee: Looks like it was made with, you know, longing. Made by a person really longed to see a swan.
Inara: Perhaps because they’d only heard of them by rough description.
Firefly — Episode 5 — “Safe”
I’ve long had mixed feelings about subscription boxes. I had a Loot Crate subscription for a while, and it’s definitely fun getting a regular package in the mail full of surprise items in which you have an interest, but I didn’t keep my subscription for very long. I always felt that while technically getting my “money’s worth” from the box in the sense that the value of the items inside met or exceeded the cost of the box my money could be better spent elsewhere. I’m a pretty big geek/nerd, and those type of boxes are theoretically right up my alley, but the reality was that there was only ever one or two items I really liked or had any interest in in each box and the other stuff felt like filler. And even the items that were a big hit weren’t necessarily things I would have bought on my own, so I ended up just filling my house with stuff I didn’t necessarily want even if it was stuff I liked. In the end, the bulk of the enjoyment came from the anticipation and mystery of what would be in the next box and the thrill of discovery, rather than from the box itself.
But Loot Crate recently teamed up with Quantum Mechanix (qmxonline.com), purveyors of a wide variety of exclusive items from a variety of licenses, to offer a new box just for fans of Firefly/Serenity: the Firefly Cargo Crate. Firefly is one of my all-time favorite shows and Serenity one of my favorite movies, so this seemed tailored just for me. Add in the fact that each bi-monthly Cargo Crate will contain a Little Damn Hero “Mini Master” figure (redoing a line of figures by QMX from a few years ago which were extremely popular but which only released figures of 7 of the 9 main characters from the show), and I was sold. Loot Crate claims that each box contains at least $65 worth of items and the boxes cost $39.99 each (including S&H), though you can save a little money by purchasing a longer plan. The first Firefly Cargo Crate arrived this weekend, so I thought I’d do a bit of an unboxing/review and give you a peek at what’s inside. And if you’re interested you can click here to save $5 off this or any Loot Crate!
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(a group of rich, mean girls have been teasing Kaylee over her store-bought dress)
Murphy: Why Banning Miller. What a vision you are in your fine dress. It must have taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup. ‘Course your daddy tells me it takes the space of a schoolboy’s wink to get you out of it again.
(the rich girls storm off)
Murphy: (to Kaylee) Forgive my rudeness. I cannot abide useless people.
Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”
Kaylee: I’m not saying the 80-04’s hard to repair, it just ain’t worth it.
Older Farmer: It’s a fine machine, you just keep it tuned.
Kaylee: Cai bu shi. [“No way.”] The extenders ain’t braced.
Murphy: I’ve been telling him to buy the 80-10 for years.
Kaylee: Those ‘tenders snap off, don’t matter how good the engine’s cycling.
Younger Farmer: Miss Kaylee, I wonder if I could request the honor of….
Murphy: Wait a minute. Let her talk. She’s talking. Dance later.
Kaylee: By the way, the 80-10’s the same machine, they just changed the plating and hope no one noticed.
(everyone laughs)
Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”
Mal: Okay, help me find our man. He’s supposed to be old, kinda stocky, wears a red sash crossways.
Kaylee: Why does he do that?
Mal: Maybe he won the Miss Persephone Pageant. Just help me look.
Kaylee: (pointing) Is that him?
Mal: That’s the buffet table.
Kaylee: Well how can we be sure, unless we question it?
Mal: Fine. Don’t make yourself sick.
Kaylee: Oh, xiè xiè [“thank you”], Captain.
Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”
Mal: Does.. um.. does this seem kind of tight?
Kaylee: Shows off your backside. Did you see the chandelier? It’s hovering!
Mal: What’s the point of that, I wonder?
Kaylee: Oh! Mangoes!
Mal: I mean, I see how they did it. I just ain’t getting the why.
Kaylee: These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I — how about that?
Mal: Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to buy that frippery, and you’re supposed to make me look respectable.
Kaylee: Yes, sir, Captain Tightpants.
Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”
Kaylee: The only place I seen somethin’ so nice is some of the things Inara has.
Mal: Well, we best be movin’.
Zoe: I guess she needs all that stuff, the life she leads.
Kaylee: Well, sure. Sometimes the customers buy her things. Some real rich men.
Mal: Come on! These ain’t feathers I’m toting here, ya know?
Kaylee: I like the ruffles. Inara gets to wear whatever she wants.
Mal: What are you going to do in that rig? Flounce around the engine room? Be like a sheep walking on its hind legs.
(Kaylee walks off, hurt. Zoe gives Mal a death stare and takes his bag from him.)
Zoe: See you on the ship, Captain.
(Zoe, Wash and Kaylee board the mule and leave.)
Jayne: Is she mad or something?
Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”
Kaylee: Oh, look at the pretties!
Wash: What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?
Jayne: There’s girls?
Zoe: The clothes, please.
Kaylee: Say, look at the fluffy one.
Zoe: Too much foofaraw. If I’m going to wear a dress, I’d want something with some slink.
Wash: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?
Jayne: I’ll chip in.
Zoe: I can hurt you.
Firefly – Episode 4 – “Shindig”
Simon: Hey.
Kaylee: Oh! Hey, Doctor.
Simon: You really should just call me Simon.
Kaylee: Oh, I’ll do that, then.
Simon: So, what are we doing?
Kaylee: Oh! Crime.
Simon: Crime? Good. Okay, crime.
Kaylee: It’s a train heist. See, we fly over the train car. The Captain and Zoe sneak in, we lower Jayne onto the car, and they bundle up the booty, and we haul ’em all back up. Easy as lyin’.
Simon: They’ve done this before?
Kaylee: (laughs) Hell no. But I think it’s gonna work.
Firefly – Episode 2 – “The Train Job”
Kaylee: Have you ever had to service a really hideous client? With boils and the like?
Inara: A Companion chooses her own clients, that’s Guild law. But physical appearance doesn’t matter so terribly. You look for a compatibility of spirit. There’s an energy about a person that’s difficult to hide, you try to feel that ―
Mal: (walking in) And then you try to feel the energy of their credit account. It has a sort of aura.
Inara: What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?
Mal: That it was manly and impulsive?
Inara: Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was “don’t”.
Mal: Well, you’re holding my mechanic in thrall. And Kaylee, what the hell’s goin’ on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?
Firefly – Episode 2 – “The Train Job”
The Love Pirate 