Mal: Zoe, would you get Wash?
Zoe: (on the intercom) This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.
Mal: Whoa, whoa. I said Wash.
Zoe: Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.
Mal: There’s-there’s no bliss! I don’t know this girl!
Jayne: Then can I know her?
Zoe: Jayne! Don’t sully this.
Mal: You are gonna be cleaning latrines with your face you don’t knock that off.
Firefly — Episode 6 — “Our Mrs. Reynolds”
Spock: Doctor, if I were able to show emotion, your new infatuation with that term would begin to annoy me.
McCoy: What term? Logic? Medical men are trained in logic, Mister Spock.
Spock: Really, Doctor, I had no idea they were trained. Watching you, I assumed it was trial and error.
Star Trek — Season 2: Episode 14 — “Bread and Circuses”
Anya: For a thousand years I wielded the powers of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I’m stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child… And I’m flunking math.
D’Hoffryn: This is no concern of ours. You will live out your mortal life and die.
Anya: Give me another chance. You can fold the fabric of time. Send me back to that place and I’ll change it. I won’t fail again.
D’Hoffryn: Your time is passed.
Anya: Do you have any idea how boring twelfth graders are?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”
My relationship with the new Ghostbusters film has been a bit of a roller coaster. Ghostbusters was the #1 movie at the box office the day I was born back in 1984 (though my parents decided to see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom instead, which caused my mom to go into labor with me), and I’ve been a fan of the original and its sequel since the first time I saw them. As a longtime fan, I of course followed the various news about a potential third film over the last couple decades in the hopes of seeing the team reunited on the big screen. So when the new Ghostbusters was announced I was thrilled, even as it was clear that it would not star the original cast. I absolutely loved the idea of an all-female team, especially when we learned that Melissa McCarthy would be in it (of whom I’ve been a fan since the Gilmore Girls days). The early teases of the look and feel of the film, particularly its production design, got me even more excited, as did the news that Chris Hemsworth had been cast as the Ghostbusters’ receptionist in the new film, a great continuation of the gender reversal.
Luke: Sookie!
Sookie: Hey. I was just looking for your paprika.
Luke: What have I said about the counter?
Sookie: I know.
Luke: How the counter is a sacred space. MY sacred space. You don’t do yoga on the Dalai Lama’s mat and you don’t come behind my counter, period.
Sookie: I was trying to help.
Luke: (to Lorelai) You bring her again and I want her on a leash. I mean it.
Sookie: He does make a damn find burger though.
Gilmore Girls – Season 1: Episode 5 – “Cinnamon’s Wake”
X-Men: Apocalypse is a mess. That can be ok sometimes, because some of the best movies of all time are a little messy, and even some of the biggest messes are captivating or interesting in spite of their flaws. But Apocalypse is just a mess with nothing to redeem it. The previous main film in the X-Men series (now 9 movies, depending on how you count), Days of Future Past, was also a mess, but that was partly by design. It went out of its way in an attempt to have it all, combining the original cast with the First Class reboot cast in one extravaganza, with the saga’s most popular character, Wolverine, at the center, and the result had its moments seemingly in spite of itself. This follow-up doesn’t attempt anything nearly as bold or ambitious, yet it fails to deliver on nearly every front. It’s flash and spectacle filled with no substance, yet even the flash and spectacle are generally uninteresting. It tells a story that isn’t worth telling that tries to pander both to comic-book geeks and to simple fans of the movies, yet none of those moments have any impact. It’s filled with actors who often very clearly would rather be in any other movie than this one. It tries to give us something new while retreading some of the same plotlines we’ve already seen in the last 16 years of X-Men movies, but disregards what made the X-Men so special in the first place, all while ignoring any of the basic logic or continuity required for mutli-film sagas in general or the history of this franchise in particular. X-Men: Apocalypse isn’t necessarily aggressively or offensively bad, it’s just generally pointless, and, with the exception of two scenes, utterly forgettable.
Mal: Zoe, why do I have a wife?
Jayne: You got a wife? All I got is that dumbass stick sounds like it’s raining. How come you got a wife?
Firefly — Episode 6 — “Our Mrs. Reynolds”
The Love Pirate 