Luke: Sookie!
Sookie: Hey. I was just looking for your paprika.
Luke: What have I said about the counter?
Sookie: I know.
Luke: How the counter is a sacred space. MY sacred space. You don’t do yoga on the Dalai Lama’s mat and you don’t come behind my counter, period.
Sookie: I was trying to help.
Luke: (to Lorelai) You bring her again and I want her on a leash. I mean it.
Sookie: He does make a damn find burger though.
Gilmore Girls – Season 1: Episode 5 – “Cinnamon’s Wake”
Luke: Here.
Rory: What’s that?
Luke: You look like you need pie.
Rory: I do?
Luke: Violent pencil tossing usually signals the need for pie.
Rory:What if I’d thrown a pen?
Luke: I would’ve brought you a trout.
Rory: What?
Luke: I don’t make the rules, I just carry them out.
[Lorelai comes in]
Lorelai: Hey, backwards baseball hat – new look for you. She’s eating pie? Did she even have dinner?
Luke: You raised her, I just serve.
Gilmore Girls — Season 2: Episode 4 — “The Deer-Hunters”
Lorelai: I already had the longest day of my life and, oh, look, it’s only ten. How nice.
Luke: There’s no coffee.
Lorelai: That’s not funny.
Luke: I can give you herbal tea.
Lorelai: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
Luke: I can give you tea and a Balance bar.
Lorelai: Please, please, please tell me you’re kidding.
Luke: I’m kidding.
Lorelai: You’re sick.
Luke: Yup.
Lorelai: You’re a sadist, you’re a fiend! (Luke returns with coffee) You’re pretty.
Luke: For here or to go?
Lorelai: To go, please.
Luke: You wanna know what this stuff does to your central nervous system?
Lorelai: Ooh, do you have a chart? ‘Cause I love charts.
Luke: Forget it, kill yourself. So what happened this morning that was so awful?
Lorelai: Rory started Chilton.
Luke: Really?
Lorelai: Yeah. What?
Luke: That’s how you dress to take Rory to Chilton?
Lorelai: No, but –
Luke: I mean, that’s a fancy school.
Lorelai: My clothes were at the cleaners, and I had the fuzzy clock and it didn’t purr on time.
Luke: It didn’t purr?
Lorelai: It’s fuzzy. It purrs. You know what, never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it.
Luke: Me, too. Next time you’re getting tea.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 2 — “The Lorelais’ First Day at Chilton”
Luke: You forget, metal can’t hurt me.
Buffy: There’s something you forgot about, too. Sunrise!
[Smashes a window. Luke cowers. Buffy stakes him.]
Buffy: It’s in about nine hours, moron!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 2 – “The Harvest”
The Love Pirate 