Luke: Here.
Rory: What’s that?
Luke: You look like you need pie.
Rory: I do?
Luke: Violent pencil tossing usually signals the need for pie.
Rory:What if I’d thrown a pen?
Luke: I would’ve brought you a trout.
Rory: What?
Luke: I don’t make the rules, I just carry them out.
[Lorelai comes in]
Lorelai: Hey, backwards baseball hat – new look for you. She’s eating pie? Did she even have dinner?
Luke: You raised her, I just serve.
Gilmore Girls — Season 2: Episode 4 — “The Deer-Hunters”
Rory: Maybe you could come with me.
Lorelai: Oh, is there a “you’re crazy” team? ‘Cause I think they’d make you captain.
Rory: Please?Lorelai: Rory, I love you. I would take a bullet for you. But I’d rather stick something sharp in my ear than go to the club with you.
Rory: Fine.
Lorelai: I’d rather slide down a banister of razor blades and land in a pool of alcohol than go to the club with you.
Rory: I got it.
Lorelai: Don’t stop me, I’m on a roll. I’d rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you. Ooh, I’d rather get my face surgically altered to look like that lunatic rich lady with the lion head than go to the club with you.
Rory: Would you like me to drive so you can continue your diatribe?
Lorelai: Would ya? Thanks. I’d rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl than go to the club with you…
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 3 — “Kill Me Now”
Michel: Excuse me. There’s a phone call for you, and if I’m to fetch you like a dog, I’d like a cookie and a raise.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 2 — “The Lorelais’ First Day at Chilton”
Lorelai: I already had the longest day of my life and, oh, look, it’s only ten. How nice.
Luke: There’s no coffee.
Lorelai: That’s not funny.
Luke: I can give you herbal tea.
Lorelai: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
Luke: I can give you tea and a Balance bar.
Lorelai: Please, please, please tell me you’re kidding.
Luke: I’m kidding.
Lorelai: You’re sick.
Luke: Yup.
Lorelai: You’re a sadist, you’re a fiend! (Luke returns with coffee) You’re pretty.
Luke: For here or to go?
Lorelai: To go, please.
Luke: You wanna know what this stuff does to your central nervous system?
Lorelai: Ooh, do you have a chart? ‘Cause I love charts.
Luke: Forget it, kill yourself. So what happened this morning that was so awful?
Lorelai: Rory started Chilton.
Luke: Really?
Lorelai: Yeah. What?
Luke: That’s how you dress to take Rory to Chilton?
Lorelai: No, but –
Luke: I mean, that’s a fancy school.
Lorelai: My clothes were at the cleaners, and I had the fuzzy clock and it didn’t purr on time.
Luke: It didn’t purr?
Lorelai: It’s fuzzy. It purrs. You know what, never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it.
Luke: Me, too. Next time you’re getting tea.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 2 — “The Lorelais’ First Day at Chilton”
Rory: I can’t believe tomorrow’s my last day at Stars Hollow High.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: Today I was so excited I dressed for gym.
Lorelai: You’re kidding!
Rory: And I played volleyball.
Lorelai: With other people?
Rory: And I learned that all this time I was avoiding group sports?
Lorelai: Yeah?
Rory: Was very smart because I suck at them.
Lorelai: Well, yeah, you got that from me.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 1 — “Pilot”
Lorelai: Michel, the phone.
Michel: Mmhmm. It rings.
Lorelai: Can you answer it?
Michel: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can’t talk to any more of them.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 1 — “Pilot”
Rory: Mom?
Lorelai: Oh!
Rory: You’re happy.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I’m not that happy.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 1 — “Pilot”
Lorelai: Please, Luke. Please, please, please.
Luke: How many cups have you had this morning?
Lorelai: None.
Luke: Plus…
Lorelai: Five, but yours is better.
Luke: You have a problem.
Lorelai: Yes, I do.
(Luke fills her cup)
Luke: Junkie.
Lorelai: Angel. You’ve got wings, baby.
Gilmore Girls — Season 1: Episode 1 — “Pilot”
The Love Pirate 