Giles: I cannot believe you are fool enough to do something like this!
Xander: Oh, no, I’m twice the fool it takes to do something like this.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 16 – “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”
Xander: So, what do you think?
Buffy: It’s nice.
Xander: But do you think Cordelia will like it?
Buffy: I don’t know. Does she know what one of these is?
Xander: Okay, big yuks. When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?
Buffy: I’m sorry. But never.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 16 – “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered”
Giles: And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and, and aggressive.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey.
Giles: Yes, let’s not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 15 – “Phases”
Buffy: But I would do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that ‘sharing our misery’ thing tonight.
Willow: Great. I’ll give Xander a call. What’s his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I’m-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow!
Willow: Really? Thanks. I’ve never gotten a ‘meow’ before.
Buffy: Well-deserved.
Willow: Darn tootin’.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 15 – “Phases”
Judge: You’re a fool. No weapon forged can stop me.
Buffy: That was then. This is now.
Judge: What’s that do?
(Boom!)
Buffy: Best present ever.
Xander: Knew you’d like it.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 14 – “Innocence”
Xander: Whoa. Whoa! I… I think I’m having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s a thought. Now I’m having a plan.
(The lights suddenly go out.)
Xander: Now I’m having a wiggins.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 14 – “Innocence”
Willow: Are you okay?
Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
Willow: Uh, well, uh… sort of.
Xander: Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow will fill you in.
Willow: I know it’s hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a *lot*.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 3: Episode 13 – “Surprise”
(Xander drops his egg)
Willow: It didn’t break! How come it didn’t break?
Xander: Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Xander: Yeah! I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind! I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned now.
Giles: Technically that would be cheating, yes?
Xander: No! It’s like a short cut. You know, when you run a race?
Buffy: That would also be cheating.
Willow: You should be ashamed.
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of… Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 12 – “Bad Eggs”
Willow: Buffy! How come you weren’t in class?
Buffy: Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you’re searching for is ‘absent’.
Willow: Tardy people show.
Buffy: Right.
Willow: And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this.
(hands her an egg)
Buffy: As far as punishments go this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it’s your baby!
Buffy: Okay, I get it even less.
Xander: Well, you know, it’s the whole ‘sex leads to responsibility’ thing, which I personally don’t get. You gotta take care of the egg. It’s a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that Dreidel song.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 12 – “Bad Eggs”
Giles: Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can’t be much worse than what she’s doing to herself. She’s taken a human life. The guilt, it-it’s, it’s pretty hard to bear, and it won’t go away soon.
Cordelia: I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time?
Giles: Yes. Do let’s bring that up as often as possible.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 11 – “Ted”
The Love Pirate 