Giles: (examining vampire Willow) It’s extraordinary.
Willow: It’s horrible! That’s me as a vampire? I’m so evil and… skanky… and I think I’m kinda gay.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire’s personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually… (Buffy shoots him a look) That’s a good point.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”
Willow: It’s really nice that you guys missed me… Say, you all didn’t happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?
Xander: Will, we saw you at the Bronze. A vampire.
Willow: I’m not a vampire.
Buffy: You are. I-I mean, you, you were… Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?
Giles: Well, uh… something… something, um, very strange is happening.
Xander: Can you believe the Watcher’s Council let this guy go?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”
(The gang thinks Willow is a vampire)
Xander: This isn’t real.
Buffy: I can’t feel anything. Arms, legs, anything.
Giles: She was truly the finest of all of us.
Xander: Way better than me.
Giles: (nodding) Much, much better.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”
Buffy: I think it’s good to be reliable.
Willow: Well, maybe I don’t wanna be reliable all the time. Maybe I’m not just some doormat person. Homework Gal.
Xander: I’m thinking nerve strike.
Willow: Maybe I’ll change my look! Or cut class. You don’t know. And I’m eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned!
(Willow storms off, Buffy follows)
Buffy: Will, wait. I’m really sorry…
Willow: Buff, I’m storming off. It doesn’t really work if you come with me.
Buffy: Oh.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”
Xander: Willow, did you remember to tape Biography last Friday?
Willow: Uh-huh.
Buffy: See, I told you. Old Reliable.
Willow: Oh, thanks.
Buffy: What?
Willow: ‘Old Reliable’? Yeah, great. There’s a sexy nickname.
Buffy: Well, I-I didn’t mean it as…
Willow: No, it’s fine. I’m ‘Old Reliable’.
Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You’re like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
Willow: That’s Old Faithful.
Xander: Isn’t that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot…
Willow: That’s Old Yeller.
Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 16 — “Dopplegangland”
Buffy: When did you guys hang out?
Xander: Oh, she was fighting one of those, uh, apocalypse demon things, and I helped her. Gave her a ride home.
Buffy: And you guys talked?
Xander: Not extensively. No.
Buffy: Then why would you… Oh.
Giles: Oh!
Willow: I don’t need to say ‘oh’. I got it before. They slept together.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 15 — “Consequences”
Wesley: Ah. This is perhaps Faith?
Faith: New Watcher?
Buffy and Giles: New Watcher.
Faith: Screw that. (walks out)
Buffy: Now, why didn’t I just say that?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 14 — “Bad Girls”
Wesley: Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet.
Buffy: I will?
Wesley: Are you not used to being given orders?
Buffy: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says ‘please’. And afterwards I get a cookie.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 14 — “Bad Girls”
Giles: All we know is that the fate of the entire world rests on it. (looks into the doughnut box) Did you eat all the jellies?
Buffy: Did you want a jelly?
Giles: I always have a jelly. I’m always the one that says ‘let’s have a jelly in the mix.’
Willow: We’re sorry… Buffy had three.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 13 — “The Zeppo”
Xander: You girls need a lift?
Buffy: What is this?
Xander: What do you mean, what is it? It’s my thing.
Willow: Your thing?
Xander: My thing!
Buffy: Is this a penis metaphor?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Season 3: Episode 13 — “The Zeppo”
The Love Pirate 