Tag Archives: Buffy Summers

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Buffy, Willow, Reptile Boy

Willow:  You dreamed about Angel again?

Buffy:  Third night in a row.

Willow:  What did he do in the dream?

Buffy:  Stuff.

Willow:  Oh! Stuff! Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could feel his lips and smell his hair?

Buffy:  It had surround sound. I’m just thinking about him so much lately.

Willow:  You two are so right for each other. Except for the, uh…

Buffy:  Vampire thing.

Willow:  That doesn’t make him a bad person. Necessarily.

Buffy:  I’m brainsick. I can’t have a relationship with him.

Willow:  Not during the day, but you could ask him for coffee some night. It’s the non-relationship drink of choice. It’s not a date, it’s a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it’s hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but…

Xander:  What’s like a relationship?

Buffy:  Nothing I have.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 5 – “Reptile Boy”

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Buffy, Xander, Willow, Reptile Boy

Xander:  Is she dying?

Buffy:  I think she’s singing.

Xander:  To a telephone in Hindi. Now that’s entertainment! Why is she singing?

Willow:  She’s sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole… fish thing.

Xander:  Uh-huh. Why is she singing?

Buffy:  Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor.

Willow:  Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.

Xander:  Hmm. And we thought just because we didn’t have any money or anyplace to go this would be a lackluster evening.

Willow:  I know! We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and ask for hot water.

Xander:  Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail.

Buffy:  I, for one, am giddy and up. There’s a kinda hush all over Sunnydale. No demons or vampires to slay, I’m here with my friends… So, how does the water buffalo fit in again?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 5 – “Reptile Boy”

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Buffy:  Come on! Can’t you put your foot down?

Giles:  It is down.

Buffy:  One of these days you’re gonna have to get a grownup car.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 4 – “Inca Mummy Girl”

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Giles:  You have responsibilities that other girls do not.

Buffy:  Oh! I know this one! ‘Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I’m so stuffy, gimme a scone.’

Giles:  It’s as if you know me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 4 – “Inca Mummy Girl”

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Joyce and Buffy in School Hard

Joyce:  Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker. And I could care less. I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who’s brave and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I’m gonna sleep better knowing all that.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 3 – “School Hard”

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Willow in School Hard

Willow:  (about Angel) Wow, two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that’s still, like, four hundred dates with four hundred different… (Buffy gives her a look) Why do they call it a mace?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 3 – “School Hard”

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School Hard Buffy Xander Willow

Xander:  As long as nothing really bad happens between now and then, you’ll be fine.

Buffy:  Are you crazy? What did you say that for? Now something bad is gonna happen!

Xander:  Whadaya mean? Nothing’s gonna happen.

Willow:  Not until some dummy says, ‘as long as nothing bad happens.’

Buffy:  It’s the ultimate jinx!

Willow:  What were you thinking? Or were you even thinking at all?

Xander:  Well, you guys don’t know. Maybe this time it’ll be different.

School Hard Spike's Entrance

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 3 – “School Hard”

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Buffy:  I couldn’t believe Angel. He was acting all jealous, and he wouldn’t even admit it.

Willow:  Jealous of what?

Buffy:  Of Xander.

Willow:  Because you did that sexy dance with him?

Buffy:  Am I ever gonna live that down?

Willow:  No.

Buffy:  Anyway, he was being totally irrational.

Willow:  Love makes you do the wacky.

Buffy:  That’s the truth.

Xander:  Y’know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.

Giles:  Here, here.

Buffy:  Sorry, but I’m an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 2 – “Some Assembly Required”

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Damn it

Giles:  Grave robbing? That’s new. Interesting.

Buffy:  I *know* you meant to say gross and disturbing.

Giles:  Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 2 – “Some Assembly Required”

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Giles asks out a chair

Giles:  W-w-w-what I’m proposing is, um… and I-I don’t mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you’re amenable. … You idiot!

Buffy:  Boy…I guess we never realized how much you like that chair.

Giles:  I-I-I was just working on…

Buffy:  Your pickup lines?

Giles:  Um, in a manner of speaking, yes.

Buffy:  Then if you wouldn’t mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the ‘idiot’ part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.

Xander:  Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on.

Buffy:  I fear you. You also might wanna avoid words like ‘amenable’ and ‘indecorous’, y’know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um…

Giles:  England?

Buffy:  Yeah. You just say, ‘Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.’

Giles:  Oh, thank you, Cyrano.

Buffy:  I’m not finished. Then you say, ‘How do you feel about Mexican?’

Giles:  About Mexicans?

Buffy:  Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay.

Giles:  Oh. Right.

Xander:  So this chair-woman. We are talking Ms. Calendar, right?

Giles:  W-what makes you think that?

Xander:  Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you’re a school librarian, so you don’t have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.

Buffy:  And she’s the only woman we’ve actually ever seen speak to you. Add it all up and it all spells ‘duh’.

Xander:  Now, is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?

Giles:  You know, I’m suddenly deciding this is none of your business.

Xander:  Y’know, because that whole stork thing is a smoke screen.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 2 – “Some Assembly Required”