Willow: There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities, about a screenful of violent incidents.
Buffy: Okay, most of those were not my fault. Somebody else started ’em. I was just standing up for myself.
Willow: They say it’s a good idea to count to ten when you’re angry.
Buffy: One… Two… Three…
Willow: I’ll keep looking.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 15 – “Phases”
Giles: And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and, and aggressive.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey.
Giles: Yes, let’s not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 15 – “Phases”
Buffy: But I would do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that ‘sharing our misery’ thing tonight.
Willow: Great. I’ll give Xander a call. What’s his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I’m-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow!
Willow: Really? Thanks. I’ve never gotten a ‘meow’ before.
Buffy: Well-deserved.
Willow: Darn tootin’.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 15 – “Phases”
Giles: It’s not over. I-I-I suppose you know that. He’ll come after you, particularly. His profile, uh, well, he… he’s likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human.
Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me.
Giles: No. No, no, I’m not.
Buffy: But this is all my fault.
Giles: No. I don’t believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. A-and I can. I know that you loved him. And… he… has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn’t have known what would happen. The coming months a-are gonna, are gonna be hard… I, I suspect on all of us, but… if it’s guilt you’re looking for, Buffy, I’m, I’m not your man. All you will get from me is, is my support. And my respect.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 14 – “Innocence”
Judge: You’re a fool. No weapon forged can stop me.
Buffy: That was then. This is now.
Judge: What’s that do?
(Boom!)
Buffy: Best present ever.
Xander: Knew you’d like it.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 14 – “Innocence”
Oz: So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot?
Willow: Well, we don’t have cable, so we have to make our own fun.
Oz: I get you.
Willow: Do you wanna make out with me?
Oz: What?
Willow: Forget it. I’m sorry. Well, do you?
Oz: Sometimes when I’m sitting in class… You know, I’m not thinking about class, ’cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it’s like everything stops. It’s like, it’s like freeze frame. Willow kissage.
(He looks up at her.)
Oz: Oh, I’m not gonna kiss you.
Willow: What? But freeze frame!
Oz: Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you’re trying to make your friend Xander jealous or even the score or something. And that’s on the empty side. See, in my fantasy when I’m kissing *you*, you’re kissing *me*. It’s okay. I can wait.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 14 – “Innocence”
Xander: Whoa. Whoa! I… I think I’m having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s a thought. Now I’m having a plan.
(The lights suddenly go out.)
Xander: Now I’m having a wiggins.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 14 – “Innocence”
Willow: Are you okay?
Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
Willow: Uh, well, uh… sort of.
Xander: Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow will fill you in.
Willow: I know it’s hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a *lot*.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 3: Episode 13 – “Surprise”
(Xander drops his egg)
Willow: It didn’t break! How come it didn’t break?
Xander: Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Xander: Yeah! I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind! I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned now.
Giles: Technically that would be cheating, yes?
Xander: No! It’s like a short cut. You know, when you run a race?
Buffy: That would also be cheating.
Willow: You should be ashamed.
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of… Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 12 – “Bad Eggs”
Willow: Buffy! How come you weren’t in class?
Buffy: Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you’re searching for is ‘absent’.
Willow: Tardy people show.
Buffy: Right.
Willow: And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this.
(hands her an egg)
Buffy: As far as punishments go this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it’s your baby!
Buffy: Okay, I get it even less.
Xander: Well, you know, it’s the whole ‘sex leads to responsibility’ thing, which I personally don’t get. You gotta take care of the egg. It’s a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that Dreidel song.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 2: Episode 12 – “Bad Eggs”
The Love Pirate 