Back on the Bus, Coulson fills May in on Sif’s role in the battle in New Mexico against the Destroyer, saying that she “speared it with her double-bladed sword… it was pretty badass.”  This gets an awesome smile from May, who questions whether Coulson is up for the assignment.  She’s really worried about him, and brushes off his insistence that he’s fine.  She reminds him that whatever’s bothering him, she’s there for him, though he’s not exactly interested in sharing.

Down in the briefing room, Coulson welcomes Sif, who questions what dark magic she’s witnessing, as Thor told her Coulson was dead.  Coulson says that Thor was right, but that SHIELD brought him back.  Sif says that Thor will be pleased to hear that he’s alive, as he considers Coulson a friend, and Coulson says the feeling is mutual but that he’d rather tell Thor himself.  (Also, it’d be much more interesting to save that for Avengers: Age of Ultron.)

Sif fills them on on Lorelei, who escaped from prison after 600 years during the havoc wreaked by the Dark Elves in the 2nd Thor movie.  She has the power to bend any man to her will by her voice and touch.  It only works on men because men have a weakness that women don’t, although Fitz and Ward can’t imagine what she’s talking about.  Luckily, Sif brought a magic collar that will prevent Lorelei from speaking, and all they have to do is put it on her to break her spell and render her powerless.

Meanwhile, Lorelei has upgraded (downgraded?) to a biker bar appropriate outfit, and is upset that her minions have brought her paper money instead of the gold she asked for.  What’s more the paper is covered in pictures of an ugly woman who Rooster explains is Ben Franklin, who was once president and ruled the whole country (hah!).  Rooster’s wife storms in, wondering where he’s been, and that she’s been texting him all day.  He turned his phone off because the noise was bothering Lorelei and when Lorelei says that his wife’s noise is bother her he shuts his wife off too.  Permanently, I imagine.

Coulson and Sif are sorting through incident reports from the area trying to find Lorelei.  Coulson tries to explain how to work the holotable, but Sif already knows, claiming it resembles an antiquated technology they used to use in Asgard.  Coulson not-so-subtly quizzes her on the other realms she’s visited, particularly whether any of them were blue.  She rattles off a list of names, including the Kree and the Frost Giants, the latter of whom tried to conquer Earth millennia ago but Asgard drove them away.  When she tells him that none of the other blue aliens have visited Earth recently, she reassures him that Earth is generally quite safe from the other realms.

They manage to track down Lorelei, and on the way Ward and May stop by the lab where Fitz shows off his newly designed weapon collection.  They’re all based on the night-night gun technology, “but, we’re not calling them that anymore.  They’re called ‘icers.'”  Ward is impressed, giving Fitz a pat on the back and getting one back in return and barely managing to restrain himself from retaliating.  May’s impressed too, and while she doesn’t generally use guns she feels like they’ll need them on this mission.  They get ready to head out and when Fitz asks where Lady Sif is, she drops from the upper level of the cargo bay looking like a badass for no apparent reason while Coulson smirks.  (Who wants to bet that Coulson asked her to do that just because it would look cool?)

They arrive at the bar, but the police that they find there aren’t exactly helpful, considering they immediately open fire on the group.  A firefight ensues, which is only ended when Sif pushes a trailer in the way to provide cover for the team.  Sif heads into the bar while Ward heads to the back.  Inside, Sif is surrounded by Lorelei’s troops, though they’re no match for her as even their shotgun blast just bounces off.  Lorelei flees, while Ward beats up Rooster, but he finds himself face to face with Lorelei.  She admires him, and while for a second it seems like Ward might be able to resist her charms, she lays a hand on his arm and the next thing you know they’re riding off on a motorcycle together in search of somewhere grand from which Lorelei can rule.

Sif is PISSED, and doing her damnedest to punch a hole through the walls of the Cage, although it’s too strong for even an Asgardian.  Coulson says they’re on it, but Sif says it doesn’t matter, as the collar has been broken.  Coulson asks her to stay calm, and heads down to the med bay to see if Fitz can fix it.  He thinks it’s similar enough to the Berserker staff that they might have a chance.  Skye is itching for something to do, and Coulson says that she’s the best chance they have to track down Ward.

Outside, Simmons confronts Coulson again about uploading her scans to SHIELD, because she can’t do any more with the resources she has available.  Coulson tells her no again, and when she gets a little forceful about it he tells her that given the great lengths SHIELD went to to hide the drug he doesn’t trust anyone else with the information they have, at least not until they can talk to Fury about it directly.  Simmons seemingly agrees, despite what she feels is her duty to try to learn about the drug in order to use it to help people.

Meanwhile, Ward and Lorelei have ridden all the way to Paris on their motorcycle!  No, it’s actually New York!  No, it’s Ancient Rome!  Actually, it’s the only place in the world that has all three, plus unbearable heat, gambling and prostitutes.  Vegas!  Lorelei is pretty taken with the faux-classical architecture of Caesar’s Palace, and is very impressed with Ward.  Ward’s not an idiot, though, as he knows that she doesn’t value him, but he doesn’t care about that, because all he cares about is her.  He says that he felt something for someone on his team once, but that doesn’t matter since he met Lorelei.  She wants him to gather her an army, and in return she’s going to give him a special gift, some fun sexytimes, by which I of course mean that she rapes him. He obviously is not in a condition to consent to sex while under the influence of her magic, which 100% makes this rape, no matter how it may have been filmed. Just because he’s a man being taken advantage of by a woman does not make it ok in any way.

Afterwards, we get some gratuitous shots of Ward in his underwear (or perfectly acceptable and pleasant shots of Ward in his underwear, depending on your tastes, I suppose), while Lorelei reminisces about her life and her imprisonment.  She’s happy to be free, but seems genuinely scared by the fact that Sif is on her trail.  Ward says that they’ll have to take care of Sif, then, although Lorelei warns him that graves are full of men who crossed Sif.  Ward may not know Sif the way that Lorelei does, but he knows his team and how to beat them.

May stops by Sif’s room for a chat and to admire her double-bladed sword.  She gives it a twirl, and while Sif admires her ability with a blade May says that she prefers to fight with her hands.  Sif cautions May that Lorelei is a capable fighter, but that she prefers to have men fight for her because of the thrill.  Particularly if the man she controls is already taken by another.  As they talk, Sif begins to realize the connection between Ward and May, and these two warrior women relate over their attraction to warriors who don’t feel the same way back.  Sif warns May that Ward is not the same man now, and that he’ll kill May.  May says he won’t, but when Sif protests she clarifies and says that he may try to kill her, but he won’t succeed.  Damn, May is about as badass as they come.

They manage to track the pair down, but their hotel room is empty and they’re on the run somewhere.  Coulson sees the look on May’s face and questions whether she’ll be able to keep her personal feelings out of what needs to be done.  “I know you said you and Ward wouldn’t be a problem, but I also know you wouldn’t tell me if it was,” he says, and she replies by calling Fitz to start searching for them.  Back on the Bus, Fitz says he hasn’t been able to find them yet, but that he has managed to fix the collar and that it’s waiting in the Cage for Sif’s inspection.  She hurries to check it out, and when she enters the room locks her inside, and no matter how much she pounds she can’t get out.

Coulson asks May to use her training, identical to Ward’s, to anticipate his next move, but that’s not necessary when as soon as they hear Sif banging on the walls the Bus fires up and Ward pilots it into the sky, Lorelei at his side.  Simmons is with Skye in the med bay, but when she tries to investigate why they’re taking off she discovers that they’re locked inside.  Coulson goes to find Fitz, and when he starts asking questions Fitz spills all the beans, that he’s working on Lorelei’s orders.  Coulson plays along, lamely trying to match Fitz’s enthusiasm before heading to check on Skye and Simmons.  May runs into Lorelei before she can make it to the cockpit, and tells her, “You took my plane.  I want it back.”  Unfortunately she’s no match for an Asgardian and is swatted down like a bug.  Ward, opens the roof of the Cage and Lorelei and the magic collar are sucked into the sky.

Ward joins Lorelei and May, holding May at gunpoint while she tries to talk him into fighting Lorelei’s power.  Lorelei asks Ward if May was the one that he had feelings for, and then kisses him just to piss May off.  May says that there’s no reason to make it about her and Ward, but Lorelei almost gleefully tells May that Ward told her who he had feelings for, and it wasn’t May.  This is the moment when you either cheered or booed (internally or out loud) depending on whether you’re a MayWard or SkyeWard shipper.

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