Quote of the Day

There is a loud clink! noise that a sword makes when it hits another sword–or, in this case, a tooth–and whenever I hear it I am reminded of a swordfight I was forced to have with a television repairman not long ago.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

Oftentimes, when children are in trouble, you will hear people say that it is all because of low self-esteem. “Low self-esteem” is a phrase which here describes children who do not think much of themselves. They might think that they are ugly, or boring, or unable to do anything correctly, or some combination of these things, and whether or not they are right, you can see why those sorts of feelings might lead one into trouble. In the vast majority of cases, however, getting into trouble has nothing to do with one’s self-esteem. It usually has much more to do with whatever is causing the trouble–a monster, a bus driver, a banana peel, killer bees, the school principal–than what you think of yourself.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

If you ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of mornings. For instance, if it were your birthday, and a wart-removal cream was the only present you received, someone might tell you to get a good night’s sleep and wait until morning, but in the morning the tube of wart-removal cream would still be sitting there next to your unbeaten birthday cake, and you would feel as miserable as ever. My chauffeur once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I’m sure you can understand, I didn’t feel any better about it.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

The expression “quiet as mice” is a puzzling one, because mice can often be very noisy, so people who are being quiet as mice may in fact be squeaking and scrambling around. The expression “quiet as mimes” is more appropriate, because mimes are people who perform theatrical routines without making a sound. Mimes are annoying and embarrassing, but they are much quieter than mice, so “quiet as mimes” is a more proper way to describe hoe Violet and Sunny got up from their bunk, tiptoed across the dormitory, and walked out into the night.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

A doctor is a man or woman whose job is to make you feel better, that’s all, and if you’ve ever had a shot you know that the statement “Doctors can’t hurt you” is simply absurd.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what’s on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. Appearance matters a great deal, because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they present themselves.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

“Optimist” is a word which here refers to a person, such as Phil, who thinks hopeful and pleasant thoughts about nearly everything. For instance, if an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, “Well, this isn’t too bad. I don’t have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed,” but most of us would say something more along the lines of “Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!”

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

It is much, much worse to receive bad news through the written word than by somebody simply telling you, and I’m sure you understand why. When someone simply tells you bad news, you hear it once, and that’s the end of it. But when bad news is written down, whether in a letter or a newspaper or on your arm in felt to pen, each time you read it, you feel as if you are receiving the news again and again. For instance, I once loved a woman, who for various reasons could not marry me. If she had simply told me in person, I would have been very sad, of course, but eventually it might have passed. However, she chose instead to write a two-hundred-page book, explaining very single detail of the bad news at great length, and instead my sadness has been of impossible depth. When the book was first brought to me, by a flock of carrier pigeons, I stayed up all night reading it, and I read it still, over and over, and it is as if my darling Beatrice is bringing me bad news every day and every night of my life.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill – Lemony Snicket