Buffy: The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo assignment?
Giles: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder.
Willow: I think they call ’em ‘principals’ now.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 9 – “The Puppet Show”
Giles: This is very bad.
Xander: Are we overreacting? He’s in a computer! What can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don’t know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world’s economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: Right, yours was best.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 8 – “I, Robot . . . You, Jane”
Buffy: So! What’d you do all day?
Angel: Uh, I read a little.And just thought about a lot of things. Buffy, I…
Buffy: My diary? You read my diary? That is *not* okay! A diary is like a person’s most private place! I… You don’t even know what I was writing about! ‘Hunk’ can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your eyes are ‘penetrating’, I meant to write ‘bulging’.
Angel: Buffy…
Buffy: And ‘A’ doesn’t even stand for ‘Angel’ for that matter, it stands for… ‘Achmed’, a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all…
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched from the closet. I didn’t read it, I swear.
Buffy: Oh! Oh…
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 7 – “Angel”
Giles: Xander’s taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, there’s been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
Buffy: It’s bad, isn’t it.
Giles: It’s devastating. He’s turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Course, you’ll have to kill him.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 6 – “The Pack”
Xander: Hey! Buffy!
Willow: You missed it!
Buffy: Missed what?
Xander: We just saw the zebras mating! Thank you, very exciting…
Willow: It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 6 – “The Pack”
Buffy: We don’t even know if this is anything.
Giles: No, we don’t.
Buffy: And I haven’t had a day off in a while.
Giles: True…
Buffy: And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!
Giles: Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer… i-i-is problematic at best.
Buffy: This is the 90’s. The 1990’s, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just wanna go on a date.
Giles: Well, I, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead…
Buffy: Thank you, thank you, thank you! And look, I won’t go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”
Buffy: Hey, how’s it going?
Giles: Uh, alright.
Buffy: That’s great! I see we’re still working on that Anointed One problem, that’ll probably take you a few days, right? I mean, that’s one obscure prophecy…
Giles: Well, yes, there are a few interpretations…
Buffy: So tonight’s looking slow, right? Probably best to relax and regroup, no big disasters coming, that is *so* good, I will see you tomorrow then! Bye!
Giles: She is the strangest girl.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”
Xander: So you just went home?
Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, ‘Sorry I was late, I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?’
Xander: Or flat tire?
Buffy: I can’t take this anymore. I feel like everyone is staring at me, the big, hideous, dateless monster. (to a passing student) What? Yeah, that’s right, I have no life, c’mon, nothin’ to see here, pal, move it along!
Xander: You’re acting a little overly, aren’t you? I mean, you could have any guy in school.
Buffy: He’s not any guy. He’s more… Oweny.
Xander: Sure, he’s got a certain Owenosity, but that’s not hard to find. I mean, a lotta guys read. I can read.
Owen: Hey, Buffy!
Buffy: Owen!
Xander: Oh, look, it’s Owen. Buffy and Owen. And Xander. That’d be me.
Owen: W-where were you last night?
Buffy: Oh. Well, um, my watch broke and we don’t have any clocks in our house and so I didn’t know what time it was or even what day it was…
Owen: I thought I was the only one that happened to.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”
Buffy: Well, we’ll be ready whenever it is.
Giles: Which is tonight.
Buffy: Tonight, okay… Not okay! It can’t be tonight!
Giles: My calculations are precise.
Buffy: Nuh! They’re bad calculations! Bad!
Willow: Buffy has a really important date.
Buffy: Owen!
Giles: Alright, I-I’ll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you’re abusing sarcasm.
Giles: Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire. But we have to stop him before he reaches the Master.
Buffy: But… Cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies!
Giles: Those will just have to be put on hold! The dark forces are aligning against us, and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight we go into battle!
[Cut to the graveyard. Giles and Buffy are sitting on a large gravestone.]
Giles: Perhaps I miscalculated.
Buffy: I’m thinking yes.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”
Buffy: It’s not that big a deal. It’s just a bunch of people getting together.
Willow: It’s a very big deal!
Buffy: It’s not!
Willow: It is. (spots Giles) Tell her!
Giles: I’m afraid it’s very big.
Willow: Thank you! Wait! What are you talking about?
Giles: What are *you* talking about?
Buffy and Willow: Boys!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”
The Love Pirate 