I Want This

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I want this, so I can display movie posters in a fitting way in my apartment.  I think it’d be a really cool way to display unique artwork and would be a lot of fun to have.  

Movie Poster Lightbox

I also found this groovy site that maybe I’ll be able to use someday if I ever get the money.  

So Cool

I still want to be a movie director, though the past couple weeks I’ve been kinda down about it, not really believing it’s possible.  Two of the people I trust the most completely believe in me and think that I can.  What do you think?

The Year in Film: 2006

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Well… awards season is upon us once more.  Therefore it’s fitting that I do my list of the top 10 films of 2006.  This was a year without all the big name sequels of 2005 (or 2007), filled with many smart, interesting movies, that unfortunately many people did not see.  My list includes only films eligible for Academy Award nominations (i.e. films that ran for at least a week in a theater in L.A. and were not eligible last year).  This list may change as I still have several films from 2006 to see (most notably Children of Men and Letters from Iwo Jima).

 

Honorable Mentions: The Illusionist, Stranger than Fiction, Lady in the Water, Hoodwinked, V for Vendetta, Monster House, Thank You for Smoking, Snakes on a Plane, Little Miss Sunshine, Flags of Our Fathers, The Pursuit of Happyness.

 

10) Rocky Balboa

I rolled my eyes along with everyone else when I first learned that Sylvester Stallone would finally be making his long-gestating final installment of the Rocky film series.  I was pleasantly surprised to find this wonderful film.  It is exactly everything it needed to be; hopeful, pure, believable, sweet, and badass.  Sly does the best acting of his career and brings the heart to a character that will always stand for how far your heart can truly carry you. 
* A *

 

9) Casino Royale

I think all the Daniel Craig haters have shut up.  Lacking only in a bit of the Bond humor and sleekness, this was the perfect way to “reboot” the franchise.  As long as they don’t try to make the next several movies so gritty that they cease to be Bond and start becoming something else.  (as a side note, please bring back Q and Miss Moneypenny) 
* A- *

 

8) Shut Up & Sing

One of many movies I had to drive an hour to Yuma to see.  I was the only person in the theater for this and it’s truly a shame.  If you want to know my feelings on the Dixie Chicks then read the article I wrote several months ago.  The documentary does a great job of showing us what the ladies went through, and their motivations and reasoning behind what they have done and continue to do.  It offered several moments of great humor, especially the F.U.T.K. shirt, and had a couple scenes that will absolutely break your heart. 
* A *

 

7) United 93

One of the more emotional experiences I’ve ever had at the movies, United 93 will rip your heart open.  Watching the passengers’ last hours and minutes was one of the scariest things I saw on film all year.  The film follows what was in the 9/11 Commission Report pretty exactly, but still manages not to be stiff or heartless.  If you ever want to see a film about some true heroes, check this one out. 
* A- *

 

6) An Inconvenient Truth

Despite some sketchy science (ask my best friend Bess if you want to know more) this documentary definitely deserves a spot in the top 10.  Not only did the film have a good message to deliver, it did so with style, heart, and even a little humor.  People have been preaching the scary truth about how we impact our planet, but it seems like Al Gore (Mr. Lockbox himself) might have finally gotten through to some people.  And it makes a perfect gift for the people in your family who might have their eyes closed. 
* A *

 

5) Cars

Disney/Pixar has always delivered.  I own every Pixar movie on DVD.  They continue to show not only their technical skill (which is becoming more common with other studios) but their endless creativity and imagination.  One of the funniest movies of the year, thanks mainly to Larry the Cable Guy, it also has a heart of the size which can only be expected from Disney. 
* A *

 

4) Happy Feet

If Cars has heart, then Happy Feet has soul.  It is hard to classify and describe due to the vast number of layers and messages that can be found in it, but I will say that I was very touched by this film.  I must also add that Robin Williams continues to set the gold standard for comedic voice acting, and I think “It’s called LAND” might be my favorite quote of the year. 
* A *

 

3) Dreamgirls

Dreamgirls got an A+ in my book and a spot on this list because of one song.  If my showing of Borat had had Jennifer Hudson’s amazing performance of “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” in it, then it would have the same honor (and that is saying a lot, because Borat is the worst thing my eyes have ever seen, was the only thing I ever considered walking out of, and is the only thing on my list that does not have a grade next to it).  That one song is possibly (it’s a tough call) the most powerful moment I’ve ever seen in a theater.  I’ve never had a theater burst into applause after a musical number, nor have I ever seen musical acting like that before.  Some say it is second only to Judy Garland in A Star Is Born, but I might (again, tough call) rate it higher.  The rest of the movie is good, especially Eddie Murphy’s performance, though the film falls flat in a few places, and the other musical numbers are smashing.  It was great to see people of many ages and races in the same movie (not something that happens too often); I can’t remember the last time I saw that many elderly white people in a theater along with teenagers of all colors.  If Jennifer Hudson does not win an Oscar (and Murphy should too) then I might have to purchase a new TV after shattering mine in anger. 
* A+ *

 

2) The Queen

The newest edition to this list is The Queen.  An interesting look at the aftermath among the Royal Family and all of the UK of Lady Diana’s death in 1997, this film is best described by the word subtle.  Helen Mirren most definitely deserves the Best Actress Oscar for her amazing performance of Her Majesty Queen Elisabeth II.  She manages to portray a wide range of emotion while maintaining the reserved and private style of the Queen.  The film is practically perfect, from the wonderful script to the nuanced performances.  No moment is wasted, no word, no look, as carefully thought out as the speeches delivered by Tony Blair and the Queen to the people.  Yet despite all of that, Mirren never makes the Queen sound cold or uncaring, and shows her heart and her conflict under the exterior that tradition demands of her. 
* A+ *

 

1) A Prairie Home Companion

For me, by far, the greatest film of the year was Robert Altman’s A Prairie Home Companion.  It is certainly not for everyone.  It is replete with folk music, has a tint of melancholy throughout, and has very little story.  It is, at heart, a moment in time, captured expertly by one of the greatest filmmakers who ever lived (and who died at the end of 2006).  Altman juggles a perfect ensemble cast including Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin, Kevin Kline, Garrison Keillor, John C. Reilly, Woody Harrelson, Virginia Madsen, Tommy Lee Jones, and (incredibly) Lindsay Lohan.  It is a movie that offers no morals, messages, conclusions, judgments or the like.  It simply is, and what it is, is beautiful.  This is one of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen, in the way that it celebrates life, and makes the most out of the moments it is given.  It makes your heart swell with the feeling of the now, and casts aside all worries about the future or sorrows of the past, and on top of all that is vastly entertaining.  I have not laughed any harder in a theater as I did during the “Bad Jokes” song.  Yet true to Altman style, that moment is immediately followed by a moving rendition of “Frankie and Johnny” by Lindsay Lohan (providing the best performance of her career), which is moving not because of the ridiculous song, but because of what it represents to the cast and crew of the show, and therefore what it represents to us.  What I took away from that moment of silliness, is that nothing good ever ends, it just changes, and if you fight hard enough, it will find a way to carry on.
* A+ *

Ordinary Heroes

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Many people in this world are very cynical, and even I can be that way sometimes, in their view of the people who inhabit this planet and this country. Certainly there are plenty of examples of rude, thoughtless, indifferent, unaware people in this world. But whenever I think that there may be no hope left for humanity, there’s a week like this past on in New York. These three stories show me that I shouldn’t abandon my “Love Everybody!” motto.

Yesterday, two passers-by in the Bronx saw a 3 year old toddler dangling from a fourth-story fire escape, after wandering away from his babysitter. People nearby were screaming as they saw his grip start to slip. The two men rushed underneath and caught him before he could hit the ground. Heroes.

The day before that three police officers delivered a baby on a Brooklyn subway train. Heroes.

The day before that a man threw himself in front of a subway train to rescue someone who had fallen onto the tracks from the platform. The 50 year old Harlem construction worker and father of three jumped in front of an oncoming train to save a 19 year old film student who fell onto the tracks while having some kind of medical episode. He rolled the kid into a drainage trench and the train passed a mere inches over them. Hero.

Movie Etiquette

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It has become evident to me that many people are unaware of the proper etiquette for attending a movie.  Recently, many theaters have started having less subtle messages to create a more enjoyable movie going experience, but I felt I should provide a step by step instruction sheet for those who might be confused or uninformed.  Feel free to copy this and print it out to take to a movie with you, and if you see someone being rude hand it to them after the show.  I will attempt to put this in a chronological order, with individual guidelines for each stage of the movie going experience.

 

 

Movie Etiquette

 

            – First and foremost, do not be rude.  If you are doing something that you think might have the potential to disturb someone, then do not do it.  If you are doing something that would disturb you should someone else do it, then do not do it.  Above all else, think of others before yourself.

            – Movies are not social events.  You may be social before or after the movie, but a film is a work of art to be appreciated both on an individual level and as a group.  If you are with a group of your friends or family, all of you focus on the film and save discussions for later.  If you are not enjoying the film as much as you would like do not attempt to supplement it with socializing.  If you are bored with the film, leave, otherwise enjoy the film and enjoy the feeling of a shared artistic experience, leave the socializing for later.

 

Pre-film


Timeliness

            – Do your best to arrive on time for the feature.  It is better for all involved if everyone is comfortably seated and situated before the houselights dim.  If you must arrive late, do so without talking or excessive wandering.  Take the first available seating and be satisfied.

 

Seating

            – Many people have particular seating locations that they prefer (e.g., I like to be as close to center as possible).  However, at a showing that is not sold out, please refrain from sitting directly behind, in front of, or next to other patrons if at all possible.  It is immensely frustrating to be alone in a theater and to have someone else come sit directly in front or behind you.  Please also decide on seating arrangements, so that there is no playing of musical chairs once the lights dim.

            – At a sold out showing, please fill in all available seats, sliding towards the center and leaving no empty seats.  This allows late comers to fill in at the aisles with a minimum amount of disruption.

 

Concessions

            – I will skip the commentary on the ridiculous state of the concessions at most theaters and simply say this.  Please get all food arranged before the lights dim.  If any candy needs to be opened, now is the time.  If food is to be shared, arrange this so as to do it silently once the film starts.

 

Trailers (Previews)

            – It is understandable that people will want to discuss a trailer for a particular film, and their desire (or lack thereof) to see such a film.  Please follow the guidelines in the film section, however, for all discussions during trailers.  If you feel you must discuss something with your companions, the best time is between trailers.  Many people very much enjoy the trailer portion of the movie going experience, and it is equally as rude to disturb them during this time as it is to disturb them during the film itself.

 

Film

 

Attitude

            – To me, one of the most important things to be aware of is attitude.  Those who know me know that I take my movies very seriously.  That does not mean that I do not laugh or have a good time, it just means that I get very emotionally involved in a film.  One of the things that is the most frustrating is when someone laughs at something that is not meant to be funny, especially if done repeatedly.  I have seen many a film, serious dramatic films, where what would have been a heart-wrenching scene is spoiled because someone lacking in maturity thought a character’s pain was funny.  Perhaps modern movie goers have no empathy for others and therefore find inappropriate things funny.  If you want to laugh at or relish in the pain of others then see a slapstick comedy, or a horror movie designed for that purpose.  Otherwise, appreciate the movie for what it is and not what you wish it was.  One suggestion is to try to involve yourself in the movie, and if you can not empathize with the characters, at least sympathize, and you will find that you will have a much more fulfilling experience.

 

Cell Phones/Electronic Devices

            – By far the most common rudeness involves the use of cell phones, and other such devices.  The guideline for such devices is very simple.  TURN THEM OFF.  If you are unable to be out of contact with the world outside the theater for the length of the film, then you should not be there.  DO NOT put your phone on vibrate or silent modes.  Vibrate mode still makes noise and shows those around you that you are so rude as to know that cell phones disturb others but you still are so rude as to leave it on.  I understand that if you turn your phone off it will not show you any calls that are missed, but if the calls are important they will leave a message.  Do everyone around you a favor and just turn it off.  The remaining guidelines should be moot if this one rule is followed.  DO NOT send text messages, DO NOT check your missed calls, and DO NOT even open your phone.  Cell phone screens give off an unreal amount of light, even if you hold it down by your hip.  They can light up the entire theater and distract and annoy everyone sitting behind you, the same goes for watches with glowing faces.  Your phone should be off.  DO NOT call people or answer your phone during the film.  DO NOT play games on your phone.  DO NOT be rude in any way.  Your phone should be off before the film starts and should stay off until you exit the theater.

 

Behavior

            – Generally, there should be no talking during a film.  All discussion can take place once you have exited the theater.  However, it is understandable that through the course of 2-3 hours, some talking might need to occur.  If you must talk to someone, ONLY talk to the person sitting directly next to you.  When you want to talk to them, tap them to get their attention, lean in and place your mouth within an inch or so of their ear, cup your hands around your mouth so that no sound can escape, and whisper as quietly as you can.  If you follow this simple procedure, no one else should be able to hear even the slightest noise.  DO NOT provide your own commentary on the movie, this is a public theater not your private living room.  DO NOT make comments designed to cause others to laugh, especially during serious films.  DO NOT attempt to communicate with anyone who is not sitting directly next to you.  These guidelines apply to ALL movies, not just serious dramas.  A comedy can be ruined by rude behavior just as easily as a drama.

            – Avoid going to the restroom during the movie if at all possible.  It usually is not necessary to get the largest size drink.  Know how long the movie is beforehand and plan your drinking accordingly.  If you must go to the restroom, wait until a moment in the movie which would be the least disturbing for those around and behind you.  During an action film this could be immediately following an action scene, during a drama it could be soon after a scene of heightened emotion, during a comedy after a particularly funny scene.  If you know before the film starts that you are likely to need to use the restroom, try to find a seat on an aisle, and as near as possible to the exit, allowing you to slip away and back with a minimum amount of disturbance.  Avoid walking along a walkway across the front of the theater.  Most modern theaters have two entrances/exits to the lobby; use the one nearest to you.  Walking across the whole theater is a sure way to bother the maximum amount of people.

            – Avoid fidgeting as much as possible.  It is understandable that most people will need to shift position during the course of a movie, but do so as little as necessary, and as quietly and smoothly as possible.  Do not let your feet tap on the floor, do not kick the seat in front of you, do not raise and lower the armrests, and do not switch seats.

            – If you have concessions with you, please eat/drink them as quietly as possible.  It is preferable for you to finish all snacks before the start of the film, but if you are unable to, be quiet about it.  Do not crunch ice or make slurping noises with your straw.

 

Sickness

            – If you desire to attend a film while sick, please put considerable thought into whether you can comfortably sit through a movie without disturbing others.  Take medicine beforehand if necessary.  If you think you will need to blow your nose, have your tissues ready before the lights dim, so you do not have to hunt for them.  Only blow your nose, cough, or make any other noise at a time when you feel you will cause the least disruption, preferably during a noisy part.  If you have an extended fit of coughing, excuse yourself from the theater and go OUTSIDE to the lobby.  You can still be heard coughing in the entrance hallway.  If you think you will have trouble with any of these guidelines, stay at home and watch a DVD.  It will be more enjoyable for those at the theater and for you if you do not have to worry about making sick noises.

 

Children

            – I go to all types of movies, from R-rated to G-rated, and I am a great supporter of taking your children to a movie as a family.  I very much look forward to the day when my wife and I can take our children to the movies.  There are several things that must be considered before taking a child to a film.

            – Know your child and do your research.  There are many sources available that will tell you EXACTLY what is in a particular film (www.kids-in-mind.com).  If you are unsure if a film is suitable for a child, then do not take that child.  I cannot recall the number of times that I have seen children of 10 or younger in an R-rated film.  If you feel your child can handle this film, then that is your choice to make.  If you think your child will be scared or bored during a movie, choose something else.  If you can not find a babysitter to watch your child while you see a more adult movie, then wait until it is available to rent and you can watch it at home.

            – If your child is too young to sit through a movie then do not bring it.  Before bringing a child to a movie, find a comparable movie on DVD and sit down with your child to watch it.  If the child runs around, talks, cannot sit still, or cries during the course of the DVD, then it is probably not ready for the theater experience.

            – Please teach your child the proper etiquette for a film.  Teach them not to talk aloud, run around, kick the seat in front, or otherwise disturb people.  Just because you might be watching a “kids movie” does not excuse anyone from the guidelines.  Pay attention to your child’s behavior and if it becomes unruly, take the child out of the theater.  If this means you have to sit outside and wait for the rest of your party to finish watching the movie, or if it means your entire party must leave, then that is what must happen.

 

Post-film

 

            – Many people enjoy watching the ending credits of a film.  For this reason please keep talking to a minimum at least until inside the exit hallways.  Do not stand in front of people who appear to be watching the credits, you might cause them to miss the credit that they were looking for.  Wait until you leave the theater to turn your cell phone on.  REMOVE YOUR TRASH.  The employees of the theater are not there to clean up your trash, this is not a football game.  Also, there is nothing worse than getting nacho cheese all over your shoe because someone left their nacho tray underfoot.  Hold the door when leaving so it does not slam someone in the face.

 


Above all things put others before yourself.  Be kind and considerate, avoid being rude, and help others to enjoy the film.  Remember that you are there to see and hear a work of art, not to participate in a show.  Hundreds and sometimes even thousands of people worked hard to bring this art to you, and it is a shame to ruin their hard work and other people’s enjoyment of that work for your own selfish needs.

Robert Altman (1925-2006)

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Last night the world lost one of the greatest and most creative filmmakers in history. Robert Altman, 81, died in a hospital in Los Angeles of undisclosed causes. Altman, a 5 time Oscar nominee for Best Director and a recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award, was known for ensemble pictures with overlapping subplots and dialogue. Catapulted to fame in the early seventies following the success of the film MASH, which he followed with such hits as Nashville, The Player, Short Cuts and Gosford Park, all of which earned him Oscar nominations (MASH, Nashville and Gosford Park were also nominated for Best Picture). He was honored with the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for “a career that has repeatedly reinvented the art form and inspired filmmakers and audiences alike”.

Most people know a lot about the TV show “M*A*S*H” but have never seen and know little about the movie MASH. The film, released in 1970, only has Gary Burghoff (Radar O’Reilly) as the only actor who would reprise his role on the show. The film was a huge success, and surprised many. Most in the industry thought the book on which it was based to be unfilmable, and many directors had turned it down. Altman rose to the challenge, and it became a huge hit, beating rival film Catch-22 and spawning one of the greatest shows in TV history. (As a side note, this film contained the first use of the f-word in mainstream cinema.) Altman always showed his courage in the films he chose, choosing what others would have never risked. One of my personal favorites, Popeye, was torched by critics, and audiences just didn’t get it, but I love it (it also is one of Robin Williams’ best performances). He creates a totally zany, wacky and bizarre town of colorful characters, and somehow makes it believable and realistic, and manages to tell a story amidst the craziness.

Altman’s final challenge was A Prairie Home Companion, released earlier this year, which has been the best film of the year by far. Only Altman (who directed most of the film from a wheelchair, with an alternate director by his side should disaster strike, as required by the insurance company) could create such a wonderful film from the beloved radio show. I would describe its many wonderful moments, but they fall flat without the context of the film. Perhaps that is the most important aspect of Altman’s style, making each moment in the film connected to every other. Altman, however, never really listened to the praise heaped on him, and would probably echo this bit of dialogue from A Prairie Home Companion, which takes place after one elderly character’s peaceful death:

“What if you die someday?”
“I will die.”
“Don’t you want people to remember you?”
“I don’t want them to be told to remember me.”

“Lord, we give you Jack… Try not to piss him off.”

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Today we saw the passing of the toughest man ever to grace any movie screen with his presence. Jack Palance died today at the age of 87, in his home in Montecito, CA of natural causes. Jack, a soldier awarded the Purple Heart in WWII, gained most of his fame for playing the villainous gunslinger Jack Wilson in 1953’s Shane, the greatest western ever made. Jack’s performance actually gained him his second Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor in as many years. He would eventually win that award in 1992, at the age of 70, for his role as Curly in City Slickers, essentially a self-parody with as much heart as all of the performances he was mocking.

Jack was born Vladamir Palaniuk on February 18th, 1919, in Lattimer Mines, Pennsylvania. The son of a coal miner, and an eventual UNC Tarheel, he had an early career as a professional boxer before joining the Army Air Corps during WWII. He was severely burned in a training accident in Tucson, AZ and was forced to undergo several surgeries before being discharged in 1944. Jack went on to pursue a career in acting, first on stage as Marlon Brando’s understudy for “A Streetcar Named Desire”, and then as the lead after he accidentally broke Brando’s nose after missing a punching bag.

Jack was known throughout his career as the perfect tough guy, and he was usually cast as a villain. In addition to numerous Westerns, he also stared in many war films. As he began to age he moved away from being an action star, and began to be a character actor in action movies. His brief, but memorable, turn as the mob boss Carl Grissom in Batman is certainly a highlight. He is perhaps best known for his portrayal as Curly in City Slickers. As the rough, old cowboy, who teaches Billy Crystal some lessons on life (and scares him senseless too), Palance won the hearts of all the moviegoers who saw his performance. His signature line from the movie, “I crap bigger than you,” has been identified by many as one of their favorite movie quotes, and the film was included in the American Film Institute’s list of the 100 funniest movies (#86). Palance would reprise the role, in a way, for City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold, playing Curly’s twin brother Duke.

Palance will always be remembered as a man who didn’t care what others thought of him. He was always very vocal with his distaste for many aspects of Hollywood, and he was never afraid to be who he was or say what he felt (he even famously fell asleep in his square on the game show Hollywood Squares). For me, however, the memory that sticks the most is his acceptance speech after winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in City Slickers. When he finally approached the microphone after his long walk to the stage, his first words were “I crap bigger than him”, pointing to Oscar host and City Slickers co-star, Billy Crystal. He then mumbled his way through a short acceptance speech. Suddenly, in the middle of a sentence, he backed away from the microphone, set his award down, and began doing one-handed push-ups on the stage. He was 72 years old.

So tonight, I’m going to pop in Shane on DVD, and I’m going to follow that with City Slickers. It’s easy to watch those two bookends on Jack’s stellar career, and forget all that came between, but tonight, I’m going to celebrate the toughest guy to ever grace the screen, and be thankful for all the moments he left us with. We’ll miss you, Jack. Rest in peace.

Disney’s California Adventure Attractions

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Disney’s California Adventure is the other park at the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, CA. It opened in 2001 and attracted few visitors. Many criticized its “dull” theme and its focus on shops and restaurants as opposed to rides. My parents and I loved the park, however, finding it relaxing and interesting, and we enjoyed the high quality of the attractions.

Golden Zephyr
The first ride we rode was the Golden Zephyr. A calm, slow, swing-type ride, riders board small rockets, holding 12 people each, instead of individual state fair style swings. As with many of the rides at California Adventure, there was no line at all. This ride was not particularly exciting or interesting, though it was a nice moment to sit down, and offered a good view of the Paradise Pier section of the park.

Orange Stinger
The Orange Stinger is a classic state fair swing ride set inside a giant orange. It is modeled after the theme of bees flying around inside an orange (how do bees fly inside an orange?) and the sound of buzzing bees accompanies the ride (which is the only downside, apart from the annoying ride attendant encouraging everyone to scream). I’ve always been a big fan of swing rides, and my father and I rode this twice. As with many rides in the Paradise Pier section of the park, it offers a good view (out the openings in the orange) of both the entire area and of the nearby roller coaster. One word of caution: if you ever find yourself riding this ride when it is not full (as we did), be sure to guard yourself from having your knee demolished by an empty swing at the end of the ride.

Mulholland Madness
I had never ridden a Wild Mouse roller coaster before this trip, though I had often wanted to at fairs and other such places. Mulholland Madness (named after a famous street in LA) is an off-the-shelf Wild Mouse coaster, but I still found it very enjoyable. As with the above rides, there was nothing especially unique or Disney-esque about it, but it was fun.

Sun Wheel
We had to wait until day 2 to ride the Sun Wheel, an enormous Ferris wheel, because the line was too long on day 1. This was one of the more unique (and frightening) rides we encountered at California Adventure. Instead of each car swinging on a fixed pivot, like a normal Ferris wheel, each car was allowed to glide along a track fixed to the wheel. This track was oval shaped and allowed a fast (and sometimes rather rough) swinging motion during the ride. While fun and interesting, the ride was rather frightening due to its abrupt swings and its lack of seat restraints, forcing us to hold on so as to not fall out of our seats (each car was completely enclosed, to keep people from falling out of the ride). I am not sure I would ride this again, but I’m glad we rode it once, and it was by far the most exciting Ferris wheel I’ve ever ridden.

Monsters, Inc. Mike & Sully to the Rescue!
This “dark ride” replaced the most unsuccessful ride in Disney history, Superstar Limo, which was open for less than a year after the park first opened. The Monsters, Inc. ride was designed to use the same track and space as Superstar Limo, and basically takes the rider through various scenes from the movie. The animatronics are very realistic (due to the fact that this is one of the newest “dark rides” at any Disney park) and the scene with all the moving doors from the movie is especially creative. This ride is found in the Hollywood Pictures Backlot area of the park, and is tucked in a corner where it is difficult to find. It was enjoyable but lacked the magic of the classic Disney “dark rides”.

Soarin’ Over California
Soarin’ Over California is probably the most successful rides at California Adventure, and as a result had the longest line. Soarin’ (which was recently copied at Epcot in Orlando, FL for Disney’s Happiest Celebration on Earth) is a simulator where riders hang from a vehicle resembling a giant hang-glider, which is in front of an OMNIMAX dome which shows aerial footage of various locations in California. The visuals, and the music by Jerry Goldsmith, are stunning, and the ride truly gives the sensation of flying. In addition to sight and sound, touch and smell are also incorporated into this ride, with gusts of wind timed to the video and scents matched to the locations. I wish the ride could move people through faster, so as to make the line shorter, but it is still worth the wait.
(Note: Among the locations the riders are flown over is the Anza-Borrego State Park, which is where my quarry is located.)

Disney’s Aladdin: A Musical Spectacular
I’ve always been a bit wary of the short, live, musical versions of Disney animated movies found at every Disney park. I was somewhat surprised when my dad suggested that we step into this show, as it was about to start when we walked by. It was performed in a remarkably constructed theater which was very classy and elegant. The show told the entire story of the movie Aladdin, performing every song and a few new ones. The performer who played the Genie was one of the highlights, improvising and joking his way through the show. (A baby started crying at one point, while the Genie was talking to Jafar, and the Genie said, “You know, that baby’s crying because of you,” getting a huge laugh from the audience.) It is a testament to the power of the movie, when the “A Whole New World” scene, complete with an awesome flying carpet, got me as choked up as the scene in the movie does. Perhaps I should give some of the other “Musical Spectaculars” at other Disney parks a chance.

Jim Henson’s Muppet*Vision 3D
This classic 3D movie, copied from Disney-MGM Studios in Orlando, is one of my favorite all-time attractions. I have seen it more times than I can remember, I know all the dialogue of both the actual show and the pre-show entertainment, and it can still make me laugh every time. Boasting a wonderful script, great performances, and innovative special effects, this is one of the best 3D attractions out there. Of particular note, Beaker and the Swedish Chef are hilarious as always, Bean Bunny is SO adorable, and Gonzo is classic (Sam the Eagle: “Will you stop this foolishness!”, Gonzo: “What foolishness would you like to see?”). I will always make a point of seeing this show whenever I have the chance. It should also be noted that this was the last time Jim Henson ever voiced Kermit the Frog (or the Swedish Chef or Waldorf) before he died.

California Screamin’
Of all the attractions at Disney’s California Adventure, California Screamin’ (a parody of the classic song “California Dreamin’”) was the most exciting and fun. California Screamin’ is a modern, steel roller coaster modeled after the classic style wooden roller coaster. The riders board the coaster, which proceeds down from the loading area to the lakefront (literally about 2 feet off the water) next to the pier where it stops. There is a countdown and then linear induction motors (think magnets) are used to rapidly accelerate the coaster (0-55 mph in 4.5 seconds) up the first hill and into the ride. The coaster reaches a maximum speed of 61 mph, and travels a path reminiscent of a classic wooden coaster. The highlight of the ride is the single loop, which takes place right in front of a giant stylized Mickey ears designed into the coaster structure (you should see the picture my mom got of my father and I upside down, it is incredible, and if someone could help me figure out how to post a picture on to LJ, I’ll show it to everyone). This is a good coaster for anyone who might want to try a modern, fast coaster, but is afraid of loops and twists, since this only has one simple loop. This is by far on of the best coasters I have ever ridden, if not the best (Incredible Hulk at Universal’s Islands of Adventure in Orlando might be the best, it’s a tough call).

DO NOT GO SEE BORAT

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Do not go see Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Glorious Benefit of Kazakhstan. It is the worst thing I have ever seen. I refuse to call it a movie or to give it a grade. It is worse than Napoleon Dynamite (though, since I actually consider that one to be a movie, it is still the worst movie I’ve ever seen, Borat doesn’t have the right to be called a movie). It is revolting, disgusting, offensive, boring and not funny. If it were not against my principles to walk out of a theater I would have walked out halfway through, if not earlier. Do not go see this thing.

Disneyland’s Dark Rides

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I’m going to begin my Disneyland attraction reviews with some of the classic Disney rides, found at many Disney parks around the land.

“it’s a small world”
Perhaps the most well known of all Disney rides, “it’s a small world” was originally designed by Walt Disney as a ride at the New York World’s Fair. Often dismissed by many as being silly, boring (or even creepy), this rides is a classic “dark ride”. I have always found the message behind the ride positive and uplifting (if you get past the stereotypes), and it is the ride I remember most from when I was a young child. The simple ride mechanics (moving water propelling the boats) have been used for decades, and the colors and simplicity of the animatronics hold up well, despite the corniness. It is interesting to note that the Disneyland version of the ride starts outdoors, with the riders boarding amid animal-shaped bushes, before proceeding indoors, which is different than the other versions of the ride around the world. On the past 5 or so trips to Disney parks, my parents and I have said that we do not need to ride it, but in the end we always do. Maybe that alone shows its quality.

Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
My dad and I were thrilled to discover that Disneyland has a version of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride (which was closed at the Magic Kingdom at Disney World to make room for The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh). Based on characters from the classic Disney film The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, this ride takes you on an out of control journey through London to “nowhere in particular”, ending up in Hell oddly enough. Known for its sudden turns and wild nature, it was nostalgic for my dad and I to ride this classic once more.

Pinocchio’s Daring Journey
The film Pinocchio always scared me when I was little, and so I avoided watching it. So the ride, for me, was like a refresher on the story. We rode it simply because we could not remember it very well, and the line was ridiculously short. One of the original “dark rides” like the other two I have reviewed so far, it basically follows the story of Pinocchio exactly.

Peter Pan’s Flight
My personal favorite of the “dark rides” is Peter Pan’s Flight, due to my personal connections with the Peter Pan stories. You board a miniature pirate ship (yeah, maybe I like it because of that too) and you fly through the famous scenes from the atrocious Disney movie version (don’t get me started). Thankfully, the ride is such that you can imagine the real story fitting into the scenes you see, without having to relive the Disney movie. The sets in the ride are wonderful, especially when flying over London and Captain Hook’s ship, the Jolly Roger. I will ride this every time I get a chance.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
For those of you who don’t know, I absolutely adore Winnie the Pooh and all the characters in the stories (especially Eeyore). The ride is a new addition to the collection of Disney rides, built in the classic “dark ride” style, but with more modern sets and effects. You board a giant honey pot and embark through the three stories that make up The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh movie. One of the neatest effects is the simulation of raindrops during the flood sequence, using fiber optics. The highlight, though, is going through the Heffalumps and Woozles dream sequence, one of the most creative moments in all of Disney animation. The odd thing about the Disneyland version is that it is tucked back behind Splash Mountain in the “Critter Country” land, instead of in “Fantasyland” where it belongs.

Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin
I’m a huge fan of the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and I was very excited to go on this ride. We actually had to get a fastpass for it, and return after riding “it’s a small world”. The ride did a great job of combining a typical “dark ride” with the ability to spin your cars like in the famous “Tea Cups” style ride. The story for this ride was rather nonexistent, unfortunately, and failed to use any of the humor of the movie. There were only really a couple of scenes shown in the ride (none of which came from the movie, I believe) and the focus seemed to be more on spinning your cars (which, admittedly, was very fun). I was disappointed in the ride however, the only highlights being the quality of the animatronics (especially Jessica Rabbit) and the design of the ride cars (taxi cabs with light up headlights). A few moments were reminiscent of the movie, usually involving single shots or bits of music, but overall I would have preferred something more interesting and creative.

Well, if you actually read all that and got to this point, you can look forward to more of my ride reviews soon. And if you didn’t read it all, and just skipped to the end, I don’t blame you, because that probably wasn’t very interesting to anyone other than myself. Sorry.