We all know, of course, that we should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever fiddle around in any way with electronic devices.  Never.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room – Lemony Snicket

(Yes, I counted the all of the evers.)

“Goodness!” he cried.  “Golly!  Good God!  Blessed Allah!  Zeus and Hera!  Mary and Joseph!  Nathaniel Hawthorne!”

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room – Lemony Snicket

It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is the one who is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right.  Right?

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room – Lemony Snicket

We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up under some sheet, never to wake up.  And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know.  It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is.  Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room – Lemony Snicket

When somebody is a little bit wrong–say, when a waiter puts nonfat milk in your espresso macchiato, instead of lowfat milk–it is often quite easy to explain to them how and why they are wrong.  But if somebody is surpassingly wrong–say, when a waiter bites your nose instead of taking your order–you can often be so surprised that you are unable to say anything at all.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room – Lemony Snicket

Uncle Monty taught them how to handle the Inky Newt without getting its black dye all over their fingers, and how to tell when the Irascible Python was grumpy and better left alone. He taught them not to give the Green Gimlet Toad too much water, and to never, under any circumstances let the Virginian Wolfsnake near a typewriter.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room – Lemony Snicket

There is a snake in this room whose venom is so deadly that your heart would stop before you even knew he’d bitten you. There is a snake who can open her mouth so wide she could swallow all of us, together, in one gulp. There is a pair of snakes who have learned to drive a car so recklessly that they would run you over in the street and never stop to apologize.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room – Lemony Snicket