Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Season 2: Episode 22 – “The Wire”
Jadzia Dax: Can you tell what’s wrong with it?
Julian Bashir: In my expert medical opinion, I’d say it’s… sick.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Season 2: Episode 14 – “Whispers”
Miles O’Brien: Are you nearly finished? I believe you poked into every orifice in my body… and created a few new ones.
Julian Bashir: Any dizziness? Oversleeping? Lack of energy? Euphoria?
O’Brien: Yes! All of them, especially euphoria! Lots of euphoria!
Bashir: Seriously.
O’Brien: Look, if you are determined to keep me here until you find something wrong with me, I’ll see if I can’t grow you a hangnail!
Bashir: Eye problems? Hearing? Headaches
O’Brien: Headache! There you go. In fact, I’m getting a very bad one right now!
Bashir: Short temper…flies off the handle under the slightest provocation. Perfectly normal.
O’Brien: I’m glad you’re enjoying this.
Bashir: Sorry, I know how you feel about doctors.
O’Brien: It’s not doctors I have a problem with
[Together] It’s you Julian.
Bashir: Well, your sense of humor seems normal enough.
O’Brien: I don’t have a sense of humor.
Bashir: Cough.
[O’Brien coughs]
Bashir: How’s the sex life?
O’Brien: I don’t have a sense of humor.
Bashir: Cough!
[O’Brien coughs]
Bashir: Everything all right in that department
O’Brien: That department is none of Starfleet’s business, or yours.