Tag Archives: Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

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Buffy:  We don’t even know if this is anything.

Giles:  No, we don’t.

Buffy:  And I haven’t had a day off in a while.

Giles:  True…

Buffy:  And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!

Giles:  Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer… i-i-is problematic at best.

Buffy:  This is the 90’s. The 1990’s, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just wanna go on a date.

Giles:  Well, I, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead…

Buffy:  Thank you, thank you, thank you! And look, I won’t go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”

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Buffy:  Hey, how’s it going?

Giles:  Uh, alright.

Buffy:  That’s great! I see we’re still working on that Anointed One problem, that’ll probably take you a few days, right? I mean, that’s one obscure prophecy…

Giles:  Well, yes, there are a few interpretations…

Buffy:  So tonight’s looking slow, right? Probably best to relax and regroup, no big disasters coming, that is *so* good, I will see you tomorrow then! Bye!

Giles:  She is the strangest girl.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”

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Xander:  So you just went home?

Buffy:  What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, ‘Sorry I was late, I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?’

Xander:  Or flat tire?

Buffy:  I can’t take this anymore. I feel like everyone is staring at me, the big, hideous, dateless monster. (to a passing student) What? Yeah, that’s right, I have no life, c’mon, nothin’ to see here, pal, move it along!

Xander:  You’re acting a little overly, aren’t you? I mean, you could have any guy in school.

Buffy:  He’s not any guy. He’s more… Oweny.

Xander:  Sure, he’s got a certain Owenosity, but that’s not hard to find. I mean, a lotta guys read. I can read.

Owen:  Hey, Buffy!

Buffy:  Owen!

Xander:  Oh, look, it’s Owen. Buffy and Owen. And Xander. That’d be me.

Owen:  W-where were you last night?

Buffy:  Oh. Well, um, my watch broke and we don’t have any clocks in our house and so I didn’t know what time it was or even what day it was…

Owen:  I thought I was the only one that happened to.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”

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Buffy:  Well, we’ll be ready whenever it is.

Giles:  Which is tonight.

Buffy:  Tonight, okay… Not okay! It can’t be tonight!

Giles:  My calculations are precise.

Buffy:  Nuh! They’re bad calculations! Bad!

Willow:  Buffy has a really important date.

Buffy:  Owen!

Giles:  Alright, I-I’ll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.

Buffy:  Okay, at this point you’re abusing sarcasm.

Giles:  Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire. But we have to stop him before he reaches the Master.

Buffy:  But… Cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies!

Giles:  Those will just have to be put on hold! The dark forces are aligning against us, and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight we go into battle!

[Cut to the graveyard. Giles and Buffy are sitting on a large gravestone.]

Giles:  Perhaps I miscalculated.

Buffy:  I’m thinking yes.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”

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Buffy:  It’s not that big a deal. It’s just a bunch of people getting together.

Willow:  It’s a very big deal!

Buffy:  It’s not!

Willow:  It is. (spots Giles) Tell her!

Giles:  I’m afraid it’s very big.

Willow:  Thank you! Wait! What are you talking about?

Giles:  What are *you* talking about?

Buffy and Willow:  Boys!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”

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Xander:  Has anybody given any thought to what this green stuff is?

Buffy:  Hmm, I’m avoiding the subject.

Xander:  I think it’s kale, or possibly string cheese. So, Buffy, how’d the slaying go last night?

Buffy:  Xander!

Xander:  I mean, how’d the *laying* go? No, I don’t mean that either.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”

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Buffy:  Oh! Owen! Hi!

Giles:  What do you want?

Owen:  A book?

Giles:  Oh!

Buffy:  See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things.

Giles:  I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1: Episode 5 – “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”