Quote of the Day

A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called “The Road Less Traveled,” describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn’t hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is now dead.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Slippery Slope – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

There is another writer I know, who, like myself, is thought by a great deal of people to be dead. His name is William Shakespeare, and he has written four kinds of plays: comedies, romances, histories, and tragedies. Comedies, of course, are stories in which people tell jokes and trip over things, and romances are stories in which people fall in love and probably get married. Histories are retellings of things that actually happened, like my history of the Baudelaire orphans, and tragedies are stories that usually begin fairly happily and then steadily go downhill, until all of the characters are dead, wounded, or otherwise inconvenienced. It is usually not much fun to watch a tragedy, whether you are in the audience or one of the characters, and out of all Shakespeare’s tragedies possibly the least fun example is King Lear, which tells the story of a king who goes mad while his daughters plot to murder one another and other people who are getting on their nerves. Toward the end of the play, one of William Shakespeare’s characters remarks that “Humanity must perforce prey upon itself, like monsters of the deep,” a sentence which here means “How sad it is that people end up hurting one another as if they were ferocious sea monsters,” and when the character utters those unhappy words, the people in Shakespeare’s audience often weep, or sigh, or remind themselves to see a comedy next time.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

The curious thing about being told to sleep on it—a phrase which here means, as I’m sure you know, “to go to bed thinking about something and reach a conclusion in the morning”—is that you usually can’t. If you are thinking over a dilemma, you are likely to toss and turn all night long, thinking over terrible things that can happen and trying to imagine what in the world you can do about it, and these circumstances are unlikely to result in any sleeping at all. Just last night, I was troubled by a decision involving an eyedropper, a greedy night watchman, and a tray of individual custards, and this morning I am so tired that I can scarcely type these worfs.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

One of the most troublesome things in life is that what you do or do not want has very little to do with what does or does not happen. You might or want to become the sort of author who works calmly at home, for example, but something could happen that would lead you to become the sort of author who works frantically in the homes of other people, often without their knowledge.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.  It is difficult to hide an airplane, for instance, because you generally need to find a deep hole or an enormous haystack, and sneak the airplane inside in the middle of the night, but it is easy to hide a secret about an airplane, because you can merely write it on a tiny piece of paper and tape it to the bottom of your mattress any time you are at home.  It is difficult to hide a symphony orchestra, because you usually need to rent a soundproof room and borrow as many sleeping bags as you can find, but it easy to hide a secret about a symphony orchestra, because you can merely whisper it into the ear of a trustworthy friend or music critic.  And it is difficult to hide yourself, because you sometimes need to stuff yourself into the trunk of an automobile, or concoct a disguise out of whatever you can find, but it is easy to hide a secret about yourself, because you can merely type it into a book and hope it falls into the right hands.  My dear sister, if you are reading this, I am still alive, and heading north to try and find you.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.  Some people say that a sunrise is a miracle, because it is somewhat mysterious and often very beautiful, but other people say it is simply a fact of life, because it happens every day and far too early in the morning.  Some people say that a telephone is a miracle, because it sometimes seems wondrous that you can talk with somebody who is thousands of miles away, and other people say it is simply a manufactured device fashioned out of metal parts, electric circuitry, and wires that are very easily cut.  And some people say that sneaking out of a hotel is a miracle, particularly if the lobby is swarming with policemen, and other people say it is simply a fact of life, because it happens every day and far too early in the morning.  So you might think that there are so many miracles in the world that you scarcely count them, or that there are so few that they’re scarcely worth mentioning, depending on whether you spend your mornings gazing at a beautiful sunset or lowering yourself into a back alley with a rope fashioned out of matching towels.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview. It is very nerve-wracking to explain to someone all the things you can do in the hopes that they will pay you to do them. I once had a very difficult job interview in which I had not only to explain that I could hit an olive with a bow and arrow, memorize up to three pages of poetry, and determine if there was poison mixed into cheese fondue without tasting it, but I had to demonstrate all these things as well. In most cases, the best strategy for a job interview is to be fairly honest, because the worst thing that can happen is that you won’t get the job and will spend the rest of your life foraging for food in the wilderness and seeking shelter underneath a tree or the awning of a bowling alley that has gone out of business.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

Eavesdropping—a word which here means “listening in on interesting conversations you are not invited to join”—is a valuable thing to do, and it is often an enjoyable thing to do, but it is not a polite thing to do, and like most impolite things, you are bound to get into trouble if you get caught doing it.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

“Maybe we could call the police from that phone booth,” Klaus said.

“Dragnet!” Sunny said, which meant “But the police think we’re murderers!”

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket

Quote of the Day

Behind these two booths was an enormous roller coaster, a phrase which here means “a series of small carts where people can sit and race up and down steep and frightening hills of tracks, for no discernible reason.”

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival – Lemony Snicket